10 Things We Found Terribly Irritating About Euro 2012

By Chris Wright

1. ‘Fake’ whistles in the crowd: Oh, just f**k off.

2. Seven Nation Army: ‘Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr…’

3. Kick-off countdowns: See No. 1.

4. Martin Keown: Through humourless, moribund dullardry, Keown somehow managed to stand out as the crappest co-commentator in a field which also included Mark Bright and his particular brand of feverishly asthmatic balderdash.

5. UEFA’s tariffs: We wholeheartedly agree that having the name of a non-UEFA approved sponsor sewn into your pants is a mortal sin and a crime against humanity worthy of a £86,000 fine, but when the penance for wearing daft pants is more than the cumulative total fine for several separate instances of hostile racist abuse and the like, you have to start asking a few questions.

6.  Mark Lawrenson: Again with the co-coms. Now, we’re not usually the slightest bit bothered by Lawro’s penchant for lethargic whinnying and/or instant dismissal of anything even approaching pre-prepared statistics, but he actively ruined games this time round – playing up to his Eeyore-esque caricature like never before; failing to provide that ironic, lovably cantankerous counterpoint he’s obviously striving for while awkwardly shoe-horning in dismal puns and generally commentating like it was his last day at work and he just didn’t give a toss anymore. Gah.

7. Puns about the Greek debt: Everyone was trying to shovel a ‘reducing the deficit’ line in. Everyone.

8. The diving: As noted, the standard of officiating was fairly good in Poland and Ukraine, with amount of full-blown diving was significantly lower than we’ve seen in recent times BUT the old ‘falling down is easier than playing football properly’ routine was still pandered to by referees far too much over the course of the tournament. Why, even the great majestic Pirlo tried it a couple of times. As good as he was at Euro 2012, Pepe’s pitiful feigning of an aerial elbow from Robin van Persie still stands out as a low point.

9. UEFA’s team of the tournament: Obviously the ‘team of the tournament’ is entirely subjective, means next to nothing in the grand scheme and a lot of it we couldn’t really quibble with anyway, but we just wish UEFA’s technical group had shown a little more imagination beyond plumping for the ‘usual suspects’. For example; good as they were, Pique, Busquets, Xavi and David Silva have not really had stand out tournaments.  Surely a gestural nod for the efforts of the likes of Daniel Agger, Joao Moutinho and Mats Hummels in Poland and Ukraine wouldn’t have gone amiss?

10. The waiting: It’s the hardest part. We’ve had to go two whole bleedin’ football-less days until the 2012/13 season starts with Champions League games qualifying later today. Torture.

Any more for any more Pies fans? Anything bug the living frik out of you at Euro 2012?

Suggested further viewing…

10 Things We Sincerely Enjoyed About Euro 2012

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Posted in Euro 2012, Featured, Opinion, Top 10s & lists

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24 Comments

  1. Mr Sensible says:

    I actually really like the use of the White Stripes song, I first noticed it at Euro 2008 and thought it was stupid and you always hear it in countries like Holland, but now it’s grown on me. They have some how Eurofied it in a funny/stupid/drunk way that sounds right for a Euro tournament.

    It’s very Eurotrash and it works for some reason.

    I agree on Keown though, definitely a face for radio, he looks like a Neanderthal. Lawrenson has been awful too, the man actually doesn’t give a shit anymore.

    Basically the BBC in general need to sort their shit, smug lads club. Lawrenson, Hanson don’t care anymore, Shearer is just the most boring pointless person in the world and Lineker just gets more and more annoying. Dixon was good as usual and Vialli and Klinsmann are classy guys with great analysis while Seedorf is just a lovely guy who was constantly smiling.

  2. Shedders says:

    How about the trophy winning music? The stuff they play in the background while the team jumps up and down and the tinsel canons go off. I know the champions league started this crap but it’s still bloody annoying. I liked how Spain jumped up and down on cue till the music stopped, then stopped jumping, only to start again when the next winning tune started.

  3. Chris says:

    I know I’m gonna get shit for this but every random shot of some random tiny-tee-shirted cute girl in the crowd immediately slapped me in the face with the fact that I am not the intended audience. I may be pampered from watching the Premiere League all the time- I love those camera guys- but it was relentless. Okay, we get it, you’re horny. Relax, you didn’t just get out of prison dude.

  4. C says:

    I agree 100% with Chris, post number 3 that is.
    I’d rather watch a replay of almost anything then have to watch some skanks in the stands.

  5. JFalcon says:

    Xavi didn’t stand out – is that a joke?! Spain’s best passer of the ball, and before the final had, on average, created 4 chances per game. He then created 2 goals in the final.

  6. Ross says:

    ITV’s coverage in general

  7. Al says:

    what is the story with co-coms just beng so fucking bad. In Ireland we actually turn on to BBC because frankly Martin Keown and even lawrenson are easier to stomach than Ray Houghton, seriously he is the most negative, unimaginitive little troll ever to put on a pair of headphones. He never, ever gives any credit to anyone and has an annoying habit of always talking about back when he played for livrpool, Fuck off.

  8. Mike says:

    I think Xavi and David Silva done more than enough to be included in the team of the tournament. Gerrard on the other hand…

  9. Dave says:

    I hate the BBC’s commentary, especially Mark Bright.

    I hate the kick-off countdowns, it’s moronic.

    I hate the constant up-close slow-mo replays, I want to watch the match.

    I hate UEFA in general, especially Platini.

    I hate Adrian Chiles, he’s so sad looking and really not funny.

    Basically I hated mostly everything about the coverage and presentation of the tournament, I did rather enjoy the football though, it was one of the best ones in a while.

  10. Joe says:

    The Seven Nations Army chant started being big back in 2006 with the Italian supporters, and they adopted that chant for their team. I found it very odd that UEFA tried to make it the official goal celebration music.

  11. pray4muamba says:

    im pissed uefa took advantage of this tournament only to add a couple thousand to their bank accounts. greedy nob heads but thats typical. also seeing england go out on penalties was irritating but typical none the less.

  12. Alfred Brown says:

    Mexican frikkin’ waves. Enough already. Watch the bloody match you morons – you are not the entertainment.

    Super slo-mos when there’s a game going on.

    BBC panellists and co-coms – all of them. BT, please take Lineker. The foreign players/managers make ours look like twats.

    BTW, I like Adrian Chiles – I like his humour (must be just me).

    The pitch in Gdansk. Dreadful. Even Spain couldn’t play on it.

    Apart from that I really enjoyed the whole thing.

  13. Tosser says:

    Empty seats…at every game. How the F does that happen?

  14. gilbert says:

    @chris
    I know I’m gonna get shit for this but every random shot of some random tiny-tee-shirted cute girl in the crowd immediately slapped me in the face with the fact that I am STILL FUCKING SINGLE GRAAHEHAGJEHERTRHHHHH……sigh

  15. hug me says:

    Couldn’t disagree more with Lawro – only one (apart from Mick) who had an opinion on anything. Surely not everyone is so devoutly attached to commentators with no personality (Guy Mowbray) that people with genuinely interesting things to say are just shunned as people who spout out ‘lethargic whinnying’.

  16. muppets says:

    Re number 8 – Jordi Alba has to take the prize. He made biscuits and fabragas look like honest footballers with the extent of his rolling around (up to the final). It was appalling.

  17. Herp says:

    Too many times there were two balls on the pitch.

  18. Tommy Lee says:

    I love soccer.I hate Europeans except you Brits and Irish. You guys I love.

  19. agustin says:

    Xavi didnt stand out? you’re right he ONLY broke the record for the most passes in a game. did you even watch Spain?

  20. johann says:

    hyundai’s incredibly shit gamechangers. it included sturridge, for god’s sake!

  21. Michael says:

    When the camera focuses on someone in the crowd (usually hot girl/extravagantly dressed man) and they wave at the SCREEN where they can see themselves. That’s not the camera, you prick. In the end you just get a shot of someone waving at something you can’t see.

  22. Herman says:

    11 Spain

  23. Herman says:

    11. Spain

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