Ronnie Rosenthal Smiles Upon Thee: 16 Of The Very Worst Football Open Goal Misses Known To Man

Chris Wright

19th, September 2018

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On what is the 26th anniversary of Ronnie Rosenthal’s iconic magnum opus against Aston Villa in 1992, Pies thought it time to plumb the annals and shed fresh light on some of the worst open-goal sitters we’ve witnessed over the years.

We’ve conciously omiited several of the ones everybody’s seen a thousand times (Nwankwo Kanu, Chris Iwelumo, Fernando Torres, etc) to highlight some of the less-well trodden, but all the more shite examples of open-goal profligacy that embeddable footage still has to offer.

The creme de la crap, if you will…

1. Let’s kick things off with a proper (but sadly anonymous) stonker from the Belgrade Zone League 2016/17 season, i.e. the fourth tier of Serbian football…

2. Lorenzo Insigne (Pescara) vs Gubbio, 2012

Insigne is a gifted footballer and was an Italian Under-21 international at the time, but that didn’t prevent “The Messi of the Adriatic” from skying this rotter from directly underneath the crossbar…

3. Dennis van Duinen (Harkemase Boys) vs VV Capelle, 2017

The word diabolical barely begins to describe this horrendous miss from the covers this Dutch Derde Divisie (fourth tier).

Just to cap it all off, Harkemase went onto lose 3-2 against their mid-table rivals.

4. Sergio Araujo (AEK Athens) vs Asteras Tripoli, 2018

Not only did Araujo somehow manage to spurn a goal-scoring chance that can be measured in centimetres, the AEK ‘striker’ also conspired to stop a teammate’s shot that WAS GOING IN ANYWAY.

5. Matt Derbyshire (AC Omonoia) vs Ermis Aradippou, 2017

AC Omonoia suffered a shock 2-1 defeat against minnows Ermis Aradippou in the Cypriot first division and a portion of the blame lay with Derbyshire, who ended up attempting to finish an perfectly straightforward sitter with a floundering, crawling header that went backwards away from goal.

6. Ali Sami Yachir (MC Alger) vs CR Belouizdad, 2013

Here’s Yachir, coolly and calmly ensuring he’ll never find work as a striker ever again during an Algerian Ligue 1 match…

7. Kenny Dalglish (Liverpool) vs Manchester United, 1980

Proving that kings are after all mortal men, here’s Kenny shanking one wide from about 30cm after a buccaneering(ish) run from Alan Hansen busted Manchester United’s insanely poor offside trap wide open at Old Trafford…

8. Fahad Khalfan (Qatar) vs Uzbekistan, 2010

Teenage forward Khalfan eloquently demonstrates the importance of being able to kick with both feet during an Asian Games quarter-final which Qatar ultimately lost 1-0…

9. Luke Varney (Leeds) vs Southampton, 2012

Just fantastically shite stuff from a striker known for his predatory instincts…

10. Edin Dzeko (Roma) vs Palermo, 2016

He got it together eventually, but it’s often overlooked that Dzeko endured a rough start to his Giallorossi career, with goals in short supply and cumbersome dross like this leaving fans wondering quite why their team had bothered…

11. Jakub Blaszczykowski (Dortmund) vs Freiburg, 2010

In fairness, it did bobble slightly – but we just couldn’t let the brilliant accompanying commentary go begging.

“KUBA! …wait, what?”

12. Jo Sung-Joon (Anyang) vs Korean Police FC, 2013

Coming in a 2-1 defeat, it’s a wonder the Police team didn’t end up charging Sung-Joon for his criminally bad howler…

13. Mathieu Valbuena (Lyon) vs Lille, 2017

With Lille leading 1-0 and the second half getting away from Lyon, Valbuena was suddenly presented with a vacant net and a simple tap-in to snaffle an equaliser.

Unfortunately, the miniature midfielder could not oblige…

14. Vasile Maftei (CFR Cluj) vs Sageata Navodari, 2013

As if the miss itself wasn’t dreadful enough, Maftei’s teammate then goes and sticks in the ‘rebound’ from about 50 yards out…

15. Atsushi Yanagisawa (Vegalta Sendai) vs Grampus Eight, 2011

Atsushi by name, the stench of raw fish by nature…

16. Andriy Voronin (Ukraine) vs Estonia, 2012

In which everybody’s favourite ponytailed lummox squirts a ‘gimme’ of an open goal over the crossbar from all of six yards in customary fashion…

One for the Liverpool fans, there.

Goodnight and God bless.