Top 10 Players That Always Look Knackered

Chris Wright

24th, March 2011

47 Comments

By Chris Wright

For no other reason other than I can’t think of anything else to do today, Pies presents our list of  ‘Top Ten Players who always look (or looked) thoroughly knackered’ – because everybody loves a list, don’t they?

In no particular order…

1. Wayne Rooney

Like a joint of boiled ham – sweaty, pink and steaming…

2. Richard Dunne

Give it ten minutes and Dunne can be found lurched over in the six-yard box, apple-cheeked and sucking in oxygen like a jumbo jet turbine…

3. Gabriel Heinze

Poor Gab’s hair instantly becomes stringy and sweaty-drenched as soon as it comes into contact with ‘stadium atmosphere’…

4.  Jamie Carragher

The Liverpool stalwart has now trademarked the ‘Carra Five’, i.e, the precious five minutes at the start of a game which he spends upright before he’s bent double, gasping for breath and playing catch-up with a spritely striker…

5. Stephane Henchoz

Merely running out from the dressing room to the pitch was enough to tucker out our Stephane…

6. Sir Bobby Charlton

Perhaps a tad unfair on Sir Bobert, but unfortunately there are certain images that instantly spring to mind when his name crops up in conversation…

7. Andrey Arshavin

Spends long periods in complete anonymity, staring longingly back at the bench like a Russian war orphan pining through the sweet shop window…

8. Luis Figo

Looked tatered from the get-go during most games, yet still found the stamina reserves to run rings around everyone for the subsequent 90(ish) minutes…

9. Damien Duff

After roughly 15 minutes of any given game, Duff begins to take on the appearance of a mildly autistic Irish farmhand who’s spent the afternoon chasing chickens…

10. Chris Waddle

A genius he may have been, but an audaciously awful mullet bristling with fresh sweat is never going to be a good look – no matter how good you are…

Honorary mentions: Steve Bruce, Dimitar Berbatov, Darren Anderton, Shefki Kuqi.

Any glaring misses? Feel free to give us a nudge ‘down below’ with your shouts…