By Hari Bajwa (twitter.com/no_hooligans)

If you’re one of the few rising stars that’s fortunate enough to be offered a professional contract, upon signing, it’ll no doubt be drummed into you that a career in football is a very short one. One minute you’re posing for uncomfortable shots with the gaffer as you sign as a 17 year old, the next, you’re in your mid 30s and being subbed off with 5 minutes to go in your farewell appearance. Compared to the average working life of 46 years, a footballer’s is approximately half that total.

The trade-off is that you’ll of course make riches beyond your wildest dreams. The problem is that you’ll probably fritter the majority of it away on rotten hookers, oversized headphones and modified Range Rovers with pink alloys.

Therefore it’s a savvy footballer who cashes in on their reputation during retirement, by skilfully following the way of Pele and his erectile dysfunction issues, and prostitutes their name to the lucrative world of product endorsements.

Here are some suggested player / brand endorsements…

1. Nemanja Vidic

Securicor…

2. Carlo Cudicini

Shoei motorcycle helmets…

3. Rory Delap

Marksman slingshots…

4. Stephen Ireland

La-Z-Boy chairs…

5. Owen Hargreaves

Injury lawyers 4U…

6. Carlos Tevez

Lamisil itchy feet spray…

7. Bebe

Shelter…

8. Jamie Carragher

Voltoral joint relief gel…

9. Ashley Cole

National Rifle Association…

10. Ryan Giggs

Brasso metal polish…

Hari is the acerbic brains behind the excellent We Ain’t No Hooligans, a devilishly wry football blog that we thoroughly recommend you check out sooner rather than later.

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