Michael Owen has once again revealed himself to be a wrong’n and a potential danger to society with a new insight into his unsettlingly bland existence.
Speaking in a Q&A session with Joe to promote the launch of Umbro’s new Speciali boot, Owen delivered a revelation so disturbing that Pies would advise he be subject to 24-hour police surveillance from now on.
Asked to name his favoured brand of tea bag (the only acceptable answer of course being ‘Yorkshire’), the former England striker instead replied:
I’ve never drunk a cup of tea in my life, or coffee for that matter.
But, I’ve just learnt how to make one.
Merciful heavens. First the whole ‘I’ve only seen eight movies and I loathed them all‘ thing, now this…
As a conservative estimate, Pies would posit that we drink roughly 75 cups of tea every 24 hours. To our mind, anything less than 10 cups a day is edging into ‘serial killer’ territory.
This man quite obviously has a problem.
And that’s not to disregard the fact that Michael Owen is a 38-year-old adult who has only just mastered the art of adding boiled water to coffee granules and stirring them with a spoon.
We’ve heard enough. Lock him up and throw the key in a reservoir.