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Who ate all the pies

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The BBC Sport website’s Mourinho Leaves Chelsea section, which relegated any other stories to Other Football News got me thinking: which other managers would command such domination of the website in the days following their departure? Fergie, probably. Arsene Wenger, maybe. But I doubt even that long-standing and successful duo would receive the same coverage as everyone’s favourite cocky Portuguese.

Everton striker Andy Johnson might not be able to command a regular place in the England team, but his skills might be appreciated in the misfiring England rugby union team judging on his penalty of Chris Waddle proportions last night. Johnson, having already had a penalty saved, sent his spot-kick to row Z against Metalist Kharkiv in the Uefa Cup. The match ended 1-1.

Kevin Keegan King Kev had delivered the most exciting brand of football and nearest glimpses of silverware that Newcastle United fans had known for decades. His surprise resignation in January 1997 sparked scenes bordering on bereavment on Tyneside. Brian Clough Old Big ‘Ead might have worked miracles with Derby and later Nottingham Forest, but having […]

If I have been conspicuous in my absence for the last couple of weeks, it is because I have been on holiday in sunny Spain. But work never really stops for a Pies writer. Not only were there an endless supply of possible Shit Lookalikes (including Diego Maradona the bus driver and Carlos Queiroz the bar man), but flicking through the foreign TV channels – as you do – I spotted this plausible explanation for Ronaldinho’s expanding waistline. WARNING: eating yoghurts while performing those tricks is a recipe for a severe bout of indigestion.

Your eyes do not deceive you – that is indeed the very same Steven Patrick Morrissey who once stuffed his pockets with gladioli and fronted The Smiths. Moz has a big Mexican fanbase and Chivas are primarily supported by fans of a Mexican/Hispanic background, so it could be a shrewd move to shift a few […]

74085765.jpgYou can’t touch referees. Slap them, and they’ll slap you back twice as hard. Gus Poyet has found this out after the FA charged him for comments made towards Andy D’Urso following Leeds United‘s Carling Cup defeat against Portsmouth. The Leeds assistant manager accused the referee of a personal vendetta against himself and the head coach, Dennis Wise, dating back to their playing days after the 3-0 defeat in the second-round tie at Fratton Park in August….

I don’t know how this one slipped under my radar, but Luiz Felipe Scolari has been given a four-match ban by UEFA for ‘improper conduct’ after he seemingly punched (I say seemingly for legal reasons) Serbian defender, Ivica Dragutinovic after the final whistle in Portugal’s 1-1 draw. Big Phil has also been fined 12,120 Euros (£8,479) for his part in the scuffle. Watch it here.

76892365.jpg“Chelsea Football Club and José Mourinho have agreed to part company today (Thursday) by mutual consent” There it is. Chelsea official statement on the departure of their talismanic manager José Mourinho. Get the feeling it took them by surprise as much as it did to us…

This video features AZ Alkmaar boss Louis van Gaal flipping out during a television interview. The end result is the crazed Dutchman doing a little dance by himself before bear-hugging the reporter!

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Juve’s brief return to the top of Serie A is over after their defeat to Udinese, despite having recently appointed God on earth (or something like that), Alex Del Piero, in their ranks. The result had some of the Italian press sniffing a rat, or at least another match-fixing scandal.

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A surprisingly comfortable win for Arsenal against one of Europe’s most dangerous sides. The real Sevilla never really showed up, and they had no answer for the guile of Cesc Fabregas and the power of Emmanuel Adebayor. Fabregas was lucky to open the scoring with a deflected shot, but overall the Spanish team didn’t deserve anything from the game.

1 The Shaddap Your Face song Just a great impression from Gift Grub. Always makes me smile.

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Granted he may have been at that age when his looks would start to go a bit when he took over as Chelsea manager, but Jose Mourino’s one-man crusades against referees, opposition managers and, well, pretty much anyone daft enough to get in his way have certainly accelerated the ageing process.

‘What a shocking end of an era. Who would have thought that the words “mutual consent” would ever cause heartbreak? And the timing couldn’t have been worse… Abramovich wanted fantasy football, but Jose was never going to fit into that mould. Trophies weren’t enough for the big boss.’ Chelsea Pies ‘You win the league twice […]

Why doesn’t the media ever criticise Steven Gerrard? Liverpool Pies Top 10 managers linked with the Tottenham job Spurs Pies Didier Drogba and Michael Essien’s music debut should come with a health warning Chelsea Pies The great Champions League beer drought at the Emirates Stadium Arsenal Pies Sporting Lisbon v Man Utd: all the pub […]

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As a Bolton fan, my worst fears about Sammy Lee are coming true. Pre-season saw me, as usual, worried about relegation (mixed with wild optimism). It would seem that I’m not alone in my pain as Bolton Wanderers languish at the foot of the Premier League without a decent performance to their name.

Miscellaneous

Kerlon’s seal dribble

September 19th, 2007

When Atletico Mineiro took on Cruzeiro (with Cruzeiro winning 4-3) in the Brazilian league (or the Campeonato Brasileiro if you prefer) the finest… and ugliest… part of the match was Kerlon’s seal dribble. How do you stop a seal dribble? With a shoulder barge…
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Easy on the camera Tomas – that’s an expensive piece of kit. Lovely chap, Mr Repka. Via The Offside

fergusonVs.jpgAh. Bless Sir Alex Ferguson. He’s ranting about referees again. He really doesn’t like ‘em does he? Maybe it was a ref’ who was chopping at his ankles the other day? Anyway, Sir Alex has expressed displeasure about the appointment of the German referee Herbert Fandel for the return of Cristiano Ronaldo and Nani to Sporting Lisbon tonight…

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Last night saw Chelsea’s first Champions League game of the season at Stamford Bridge (capacity: 42,055). Worryingly for Roman Abramovich, Jose Mourinho and all concerned, just 24, 973 fans attended the 1-1 draw with Rosenborg, a frankly pathetic turn-out for a club that claims to be one of the biggest in Europe.

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Arsenal vs Sevilla, Wed 19 Sept (ko 7.45pm BST)
These two clubs have never met in Europe, but they both play attractive, progressive football, so this could be a cracker for the neutral to watch. Sevilla are still recovering from the shocking death of Antonio Puerta, but they have notched two wins from two in the Primera Liga, so it seems Puerta’s death has, if anything, galvanised the club.

1 Marseille’s European home kit (see photo, above) is horrific. On the positive side, Djibril Cisse, who scored in the French side’s win over Besiktas, is looking good… until he next snaps one of his rubber legs, that is. Photo Getty Images

Is that the sound of wheels coming off at Stamford Bridge? Not exactly, but I really expected Chelsea to win this game with relative ease. Ironically, but somehow predictably, it was misfit Andriy Shevchenko who saved face, with an equaliser early in the second half. If we learned one thing from last night’s game, it’s that Chelsea are half the team without Dider Drogba and Frank Lampard.

Not a vintage Liverpool display by any means, but a point away at Porto is a perfectly decent start to their CL campaign. After going behind early when Jose Reina gave away a penalty, Rafa’s boys did well to come back, via a Dirk Kuyt header from close range. For the hosts, Ricardo Quaresma looked […]

Chelsea vs Rosenborg, Tues 18 Sept (ko 7.45pm BST) With no Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard in the team, you have to wonder where the goals will come from for Chelski. Andriy Shevchenko has scored 46 times in the Champions League, but only three of those goals have been in a blue Chelsea shirt. Jose […]