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Who ate all the pies

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Horror Hair

Horror Hair: Every so often a hairstyle comes along that is worthy of note and/or scorn. Mostly scorn. This way for a comprehensive run-down of the most baffling follicular arrangements ever attempted by professional footballers.

Horror Hair: Carlos Valderrama

February 5th, 2007

There was only so long we could continue our Ginger Afro series without resorting to the glaringly obvious. It is, of course, the man with arguably the greatest afro of all time never mind ginger afro: Carlos Valderrama. The Colombian’s beautiful ginger locks leave the likes of Wes Brown, Ian Wallace and Noel Brotherston trailing […]

With the League Cup Final places being decided last night, I thought I’d have a look for an old classic final. Pick of the bunch was a cracking final between Luton Town and Notts Forest in 1989. There’re a whole host of horror haircuts in this clip with Mick Harford, Steve Foster… Stuart Pearce is […]

Horror Hair: Alexi Lalas

February 1st, 2007

Our mission to collate football’s finest collection of ginger afros continues with Alexi Lalas. The former USA international found time for a bit of a ginger afro when he wasn’t in his long hair/headband rocker stage. And look at him now: short hair, always in his suit and preparing to tend to David Beckham’s every […]

Horror Hair: Ian Wallace

January 29th, 2007

Ginger afro season continues on Pies with former Coventry City striker Ian Wallace. As if the haircut was not daring enough, Wallace is also sporting the Sky Blues’ notorious brown away kit. The former Scotland international was Britain’s third £1 million-plus player, but is now a self-confessed alcoholic. He appeared in court earlier this month […]

We’re in the middle of a ginger afro fetish at the moment at Pies. There have been a few over the years, but surely no-one can match the mighty bonce of Noel Brotherston. Noel was a tricky winger, and graced the flanks of Spurs, Blackburn Rovers, Bury, and Scarborough, and won 27 international caps for […]

Continuing our ginger afro theme – and especially for Pies regular Billyo – here is Wes Brown proving you don’t have to be able to play like Carlos Valderrama to pull off the ginger afro on a football pitch. Go Wes! Have you spotted a footballing ginger afro? Let us know so we can give […]

David James might have ditched his greasy side-parting, but Horror Hair of that standard doesn’t just disappear over night. The Portsmouth keeper has transformed his Clark Kent look into this backcombed effort, which we must admit is an improvement (although it wasn’t difficult to improve on the previous look). The BBC website has a nice […]

Horror Hair – Joleon Lescott

December 4th, 2006

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41711000/jpg/_41711308_lescott203x152.jpg There something going wrong at Everton. The results aren’t bad, and the manager seems like a decent chap… so it can only be one thing. A crap haircut. Step up please Joleon Lescott…

Retro Sticker Albums on the Web

November 10th, 2006

In the days when men were real men… albeit with terrible perms (like the one sported by Graeme Sharp on the left) and bruiser tasches… sticker albums were full of players who didn’t even know what a stylist was, and if they did, they’d probably chin ‘em. Well, if you’re getting dewy eyed about the […]

Horror Hair legend Alexi Lalas (pictured then and now) has been swooning over David Beckham – himself no stranger to a bad barnet. Los Angeles Galaxy boss Lalas had admitted he would like to sign to Beckham if he fails to sign a new deal with Real Madrid. He said: "There are thousands of clubs […]

Can anyone remember Mark Hateley having a half-decent haircut at any point during his career? No, me neither! For consistently bad hair, Hateley is right up there with the Horror Hair greats. This horrendous mullet was one of his finest moments. The look is completed by the strange attempt at a parting and… is that […]

Horror Hair: Pavel Srnicek

September 28th, 2006

Newcastle United are set to revive a Premiership Horror Hair classic by re-signing former player Pavel Srnicek. The Czech goalkeeper is training with the Magpies with a view to signing a three-month deal as cover for Steve Harper while Shay Given is injured. Srnicek left the club in 1998 after Given’s arrival. He had been […]

Horror Hair: Steven Gerrard

September 13th, 2006

I wanted to induct Steven Gerrard into the Horror Hair Hall of Fame after the Merseyside derby, but couldn’t find a decent picture… I’ve got him now though! Stevie G is currently sporting what I would like to term the ‘grown-out Ronaldo (circa 2002)‘ to create a true pikey masterpiece. The only improvement I would […]

Horror Hair: Wagner Love, Brazil

September 6th, 2006

Great name (like an Austin Powers villain), terrible hairstyle. I couldn’t find a picture that really does justice to the awfulness of Wagner Love’s hair, but hopefully this gives you the general idea – the front’s fine, but the back is characterised by a mess of spindly blue braids. Nasty. I can imagine the conversation […]

Trevor Mitchell has just broken his own Guinness record for ‘world’s fastest haircut’, snipping (ho ho) his previous best by 12 seconds to a barely believable 59 seconds. If you’re wondering what this has to do with football, Mitchell’s victim model was none other than Kevin Keegan. The pair have known each other since Mitchell […]

The classic ‘Art Garfunkel’, as sported by Alan Brazil in the early 1980s. Jesus Christ, he looks about 45, doesn’t he? And check out the size of that frickin’ Spurs crest. It’s practically the size of Brazil’s head! Btw, I highly recommend a visit to Alan’s MySpace site, which inevitably features the music of Simple […]

We recently awarded Jose Mourinho a coveted Horror Hair badge for his new No.1 crop – now he admits he wants his players to adopt the same ‘aggressive’ look – it seems English yob culture is really rubbing off on Chelsea’s manager. Wonder if Jose carries a Stanley knife in the inside pocket of his […]

Blimey, two stressful seasons in the Premiership haven’t done much for poor Jose’s hairline, have they? He’s also much greyer on top than when he first arrived in England. I recommend that the Special One invests in a Special Hat to help keep his head warm throughout the British winter.