Pies’ top 50 favourite football chants, part 1


12th, October 2007


There are so many great football chants that raise a smile here at Pies Towers. I’ve compiled list of 50 of our favourites, in no particular order. Here’s part one of that list…
preid6.gif‘In the town, called Sunderland,
There lived a man with a monkey’s heid,
And they called him Peter Reid’

Geordies and Boro lads alike would taunt Mackems with this pearl. It’s funny because it’s true – former Sunderland boss Peter Reid does indeed have a monkey’s head. Or is there a monkey out there with the head of Peter Reid. I’m not sure.
‘Ooh aah Cantona, say ooh ahh Cantona!’
Brilliantly simple and effective. Started by Leeds fans, nicked by Man U fans when King Eric crossed the Pennines. Then fans started singing ‘Ou est Cantona?’ to the bereft Leeds faithful.

‘We all dream of a team of Carraghers, a team of Carraghers…’
Sung by Liverpool fans, with some affection, to the tune of The Beatles’ ‘Yellow Submarine’.
‘When the ball hits your head and you sit in row Z, thats Zamora.’
Sung about aimless Bobby Zamora to the tune of ‘That’s Amore’. Lyrical genius.
‘He’s blond, he’s quick
His name’s a porno flick, Emmanuel! Emanuel!’

Frequently sung in honour of Manu Petit when he was at Highbury.
‘You dirty northern bastards!’
A versatile chant, most often used by southern shandy-drinking types to wind up their northern cousins. Can also be used ironically – Plymouth Argyle fans sing it to anyone.
‘We’ve got Timmy Tourettes in our nets, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off!’
Proud Man U fans ignore political correctness to greet the signing of Tim Howard.
‘Sit down Pinocchio!’
Shouted at large-nosed Scouser Phil Thompson. More recently it has also been aimed in the direction of Gareth Southgate.
‘Who ate all the pies, who ate all the pies? You fat bastard, you fat bastard, you ate all the pies!’
Well, it had to be in here somewhere. A timeless classic. More often abbreviated today to simply ‘You fat bastard!’
‘Park Park, wherever you may be
You eat dogs in your home country
It could be worse, you could be Scouse
Eating rats in your council house’

More black humour, again from those witty Man U fans. Korea’s Park Ji Sung must feel honoured.
‘You’ve got Di Canio, we’ve got your stereo…’
Check out Liverpool fans being all post-modern and deconstructing their own stereotype. Sung at West Ham fans, who would often boast ‘We’ve got Di Canio!’
‘Does she take it up the arse?’
A question frequently put to David Beckham, especially when he was taking a corner in front of opposition fans. And to this day, we don’t know if Victoria does take it up the arse.
‘Ten men went to lift, went to lift Frank Lampard, ten men and their forklift truck went to lift Frank Lampard’
A cunning variation on ‘Ten men went to mow’, aimed at Fat Frank by opposition fans.
‘The wheels on your house go round and round, round and round’
This always makes me smile. Directed at players who are perceived as, er, gypsyish or pikey.
‘Your sister is your mother, your uncle is your brother
You all fuck one another, the ________ family’

Sung to the theme tune of The Addams Family. A particular favourite of Ipswich and Norwich fans, who shout it at each other.
‘We’re gonna deep-fry your pizzas!’
A one-off moment of inspiration from Scotland fans, who threatened Italian fans with a culinary fate worse than death.

‘Woooah, Al-Fayed… he wants to be a Brit, and QPR are shit’

Bit of a non-sequitur from Fulham supporters, but it makes me smile.
Ziggystardust.jpg‘Neville Neville, your play is immense
Neville Neville, you play in defence
Neville Neville, like Jacko you’re bad,
Neville Neville, the name of your dad’

Sung to the tune of David Bowie’s Rebel Rebel, to honour Gary and Phil Neville. Much better lyrics than the original, I’m sure you agree.
‘His name is Rio and he watches from the stand’
Rio Ferdinand had to put up with this when he was banned for missing a drugs test. A nice twist on ‘His name is Rio and he dances for West Ham’, which Irons fans used to sing, to the tune of Duran Duran’s ‘Rio’, predictably enough.
‘Don’t blame it on the Biscan
Don’t blame it on the Hamman
Don’t blame it on the Finnan
Blame it on Traore…
He just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet’

Pure genius to honour the hapless Djimi Traore during his time at Liverpool. Sung to the tune of ‘Blame it on the Boogie’.
‘You are my Solskjaer, my Ole Solskjaer
You make my happy, when skies are grey’

The Baby Faced Assassin made Man U fans happy. Simple as that.
‘Sign on, sign on,
With a pen in your hand,
‘Cause you’ll never get a job’

A classic, which I’m sure Liverpool fans never tire of hearing.
‘Two Andy Gorams, there’s only two Andy Gorams!’
Again, political correctness went out of the window when it was reported that larger-than-life keeper Andy Goram was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Fans can be so cruel… we can?

‘Niall Quinn’s disco pants are the best
They go up from his arse to his chest
They are better than Adam and the Ants
Niall Quinn’s disco pants’

The most famous pants in football.
‘He’s big, he’s red
His feet stick out the bed
Peter Crouch, Peter Crouch’

At 6ft7 his feet probably do stick out the bed. More wit from the Kop End.
Any favourites of yours that we’ve missed so far? Fear not, part two will be posted next week…

Posted in Top 10s & lists

Share this article: Email


  1. Chringle says:

    ‘Sheep Sheep Sheep Shaggers..Baaaaaa!!!’
    Not sure how famous this chant is but it’s a Forest favourite. Sung about our good chums from down the A52, Derby County.

  2. Grainy says:

    This is probably a bit too lower league for you to even think about posting, but you can’t beat Notts Countys baffling:
    “We had a wheelbaaaarow, and the wheel fell off”.
    Pure genius.

  3. Kipp says:

    ‘We all dream of a team of Carraghers, a team of Carraghers…
    that doesn’t fit to the tune unlike (a real one)
    “We all dream of a team of Gary Breens, a team of Gary Breens, a team of Gary Breens,
    At number one there’s Gary Breen
    At number two there’s an-oooo-ther Gary Breen”

  4. John says:

    The next lines of the solskjaer songs are alan shearer was f’in dearer so please don’t take our solskjaer away

  5. West Ham fans won’t be very happy when they realize you did not mention “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” in the first part
    I don’t support the Hammers, but it’s one of my favourite:
    I hope it will be in the 2nd part

  6. nicko says:

    “Shall we build a stand for you” sung by er… everyone who plays at Oxfords three sided Kassam Stadium

  7. kubu says:

    what ’bout allistar griffin viduka song?

  8. Anonymous says:

    How about… “Diaby…. woooah… Diaby…. woooah… he kicked john terry in the head…. now hes dead…. diaby

  9. Anonymous says:

    How about… “Diaby…. woooah… Diaby…. woooah… he kicked john terry in the head…. now hes dead…. diaby

  10. Anonymous says:

    or “la sagna” (cause of spurs lasagne

  11. Chringle says:

    Paul Kitson is a wanker
    He wears a wankers hat…
    god knows what he did to deserve that.

  12. nawyecky says:

    liverpool fans to chelsea fans:
    “you have no history, you have no history!”
    chelsea fans back at liverpool:
    “you have no future, you have no future”

  13. m4re says:

    Not an arsenal fan, but that one they had to the tune of Let’s Talk About Sex was one of the wittiest I’ve ever seen..
    went something like this:
    “Let’s talk about Cesc baby, let’s talk about flam-i-ni, let’s talk about someone someone someone someone and henry”
    comedy gold.

  14. Dave Lee says:

    I always manage a smile when a load of coppers stroll onto the pitch and the crowd chants:
    “The Bill! It’s just like watching The Bill…”
    (to the ‘tune’ of ‘just like watching Brazil’…obviously)

  15. matty says:

    we’ve got a boss from cairo, all you’ve got’s your giro.
    Fulham to everton fans

  16. MLock says:

    You are a scouser
    A dirty scouser
    You’re only happy on giro day
    Your mum’s out theiving
    Your dad’s drug dealing
    Please don’t take my hubcaps away
    He’ll shoot, he’ll score
    He’ll eat your labrador
    Seol Ki-Hyeon
    Mourinho, are you listening?
    You better keep that trophy glistening
    We’ll be back in May, to take it away
    Walking in a Fergie wonderland

  17. Andrew II says:

    ‘Blame it on Traore’ is easily the greatest chant of all time.

  18. dan says:

    Two times!
    We won it two tiiiiiiiimes
    Auto windscreens
    We won it two times!
    Nobody can come back from that! To the tune of Liverpool’s “5 Times”
    We all live in a tub of margerine
    A tub of margerine
    A tub of margerine
    We all live in a tub of margerine
    We can’t believe it’s not butterrrrr
    (To the tune of “Yellow Submarine”)
    There’s only one Emile Heskey
    There’s only one Emile Heskey
    He used to be s***e
    But now he’s alright
    Walkin’ in a Heskey wonderland
    We come from Wigan and we live in mudhuts!
    Fat Sam!
    Give us a bung!
    Fat Sam, Fat Sam, give us a bung!
    All sung by Wigan fans to various opposition.

  19. tentonipete says:

    we all live in a robbie fowler house?

  20. arands says:

    dirk kuyt wherever you maybe
    you smoke pot in your home country
    you caould be worse
    who coauld be a manc
    waking up your sister
    for a wank

  21. Bob says:

    Hes bold
    Hes shit
    He plays when no ones fit
    Its pascal Cygan

  22. LEEDS HATER says:


  23. Butros Butros says:

    When I was just a little boy,
    I asked my mother what should I be?
    Should I be Chelsea?
    Should I be Leeds?
    Here’s what she said to me…
    Wash your mouth out son,
    and go get your father’s gun
    shoot the Chelsea scum
    shoot the Chelsea scum
    We hate Chelsea!
    We hate Chelsea!

  24. Da says:

    aresenal fans to chelsea

    • TP FFC says:

      “we pay your benefits” by fulham to west ham.
      “you can take your bubbles, you can take your bubbles, you can take your bubbles- and stick em up your arse!” fulham to west ham.
      “John Terrys mother, john terrys mother, john terrys mother is a thief- AND A WHORE!” by fulham at chelsea
      “this place is shyte, this place is shyte, i feel so dirty- i just want to go home!” to Beach Boys sloop john b. fulham at anyone from the away end.
      “Take Me Home, Al Fayed…” fulham hammersmith enders

  25. Jordan says:

    top ones from Ashburton Grove for me this season
    ‘We’ve only got one Song!’
    ‘You’ve only come to see Eboue’
    ‘Chelsea, whoever you may be
    Your left backs’ got HIV
    Got a mobile stuck up his arse
    And he got married to a Northern brass’

  26. Uncle Mike says:

    What do you think of Tottenham? “S***!”
    What do you think of s***? “Tottenham!”
    Thank you! “That’s all right!”
    And, as previously mentioned…
    Lasagne, oh whoa!
    Lasagne, oh whoa whoa whoa!
    We laughed ourselves to bits
    when Tottenham got the s***s!
    Ten men went to lift, went to lift Frank Lampard? I believe it, but Arsenal fans say ten men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley! Ashley who? Oh Ashley Cole, yer a f***in’ a***hole!

  27. Nevin says:

    When Lee Sharp came out of prison and played for Oldham, on a visit to Bristol Rovers the famous Blackthorn end sang:
    “Did you ever drop the soap?”
    Cruel stuff but hilarious.

  28. Josh says:

    What do you think of b*****y? Shit!
    What do you think of shit? B*****y Bastards Twats and Cunts, Fannyyyyssss!!!!
    BRFC forever – 1 of many chants sung about the inbred dingles down the road…

  29. Anonymous says:

    It was lee hughes ya spoon!

  30. Anonymous says:

    you can stick your blackpool tower up your arse…
    your mums got hiv, your mums got hiv, and now your gonna believe us and now your gonna believe us, and now your gonna believe usssssssssss, your mums got hiv
    sung to anyone who looks remotely like there mum may have HIV
    (derby county)

  31. You put your left boot in,
    your left boot out,
    in out, in out
    you stamp the paki out,
    you do the jonny woodgate and you turn around,
    that’s what it’s all about.
    Oh Jonny Woodgate, Oh Jonny Woodgate, Oh jonny woodgate,
    Knees bent, arms stretched,
    Stamp, Stamp, Stamp.
    Sang to the tune of the Okey, Cokey, obviously.
    In the Liverpool slums,
    In the Liverpool slums,
    You search through the dustbins for something to eat, You find a dead rat and you think it’s a treat,
    In the Liverpool slums
    In the Liverpool slums,
    You piss in the sink and you shit in the bath,
    You finger your gran and you think it’s a laugh,
    In the Liverpool slums
    In the Liverpool slums,
    You’re mum’s on the game and you’re dad’s in the nick,
    You can’t get a job cause you’re so fuckin thick,
    In the Liverpool slums.

  32. Anonymous says:

    I’ve always loved
    My old man,
    Said be a ____ fan,
    I said fuck off, bollocks,
    Your a cunt.
    Also the arsenal classic:
    One man went to bed,
    Went to bed with Ashley,
    One man and his mobile phone,
    Went to bed with Ashley….

  33. Poppies_Fan says:

    In the late 90s, Kettering Town had all their best players poached from rich (but then-unsuccessful) local rivals Rushden and Diamonds, who also had a fantastic new stadium luring many ex-Kettering fans thanks to the money train of Max Griggs, owner of Dr Martens. In a pique of jealous rage the Poppies fans came up with this beauty (to the tune of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds):

    Picture yourself in a ground made of Lego
    With plastic supporters who don’t even sing
    Suddenly Max Griggs buys Beckham and Shearer
    And still they don’t win anything…
    *dum dum dum*

    For obvious reasons, the fans also sing this (to the tune of Yellow Submarine):

    We all piss in a Dr Marten’s boot…
    A Dr Marten’s boot
    A Dr Marten’s boot

  34. Rushden4life says:

    Kettering’s scum you got Paul Gascoigne he said you will be in the premiership in a few years time look at you now still shiAway in a manger a crib for a bed
    The little lord jesus sat up and he
    “We hate kettrin, and we hate kettrin,

    We hate kettrin and we, hate kettrin
    We are kettrin haters”
    we hate kettrin we hate kettrin (death
    du du duda du du du du du duda

    O Ketterin Town (o Ketterin Town)
    Is Full of s**t (is full of S**t)
    O Ketterin town is full of s**t
    s**t, S**t and more S**t
    O Ketterin town is full of s**t

    Build a bonfire,
    Build a bonfire,
    Put the Cobblers on the top,
    Put the Kettering in the middle,
    And burn the f*cking lot..

  35. Rushden4life says:

    its rushden over here and rushden over there rushden playing football in the mid summer air lee tomlin shooting on target Craig Farrell too then we say to the kettering fuck you

  36. Jamie Wolves says:

    Team Full of Rapists (Van Persie/Ronaldo/ & a while ago Titus Bramble)

    Favourite song ever is Jody Craddocks. OOOOOh Jody Craddock, OOOOOOh Jody Craddock he used to be shite BUT now he;s alright, WALKING IN A CRADDOCK WONderland!

  37. Anonymous says:

    Your mum’s on the doll, Your dad’s in the nick, you can’t get a job cuz’ you’re so fucking thick ____ scum ______ scum.

    I can’t read and I can’t write but I can drive a tractor, I support Ipswich Town because I’m a fucking wanker

  38. Anonymous says:

    I’m a b****rd I’m a b****rd I’m a b****rd yes I am but I’d rather be a b****rd than a f****ng Bury fan. Sang by The Dale whenever we play Bury.

  39. Madlambceltic says:

    Celtic fans to Rangers – think it was in nineties and non PC – “He’s gay, he’s bent, his arse is up for rent Ian Durant, Ian Durant”

  40. Suvern Soft Wipe says:

    Reading Fans to some Swindon naffers driving down the M4. ” Are your floodlights 12 volt?” , a swipe at the huge Romany influence at the Wiltshire club, or ” only halfway to Bristol” creases me!

  41. Jay says:

    I like butter and paks

  42. Lex says:

    “You won the league ’cause of Steven Hunt…”
    Reading at Old Trafford opening day of 07/08 season

  43. Lex says:

    “Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, rub your beard all over my body.”(Erotica-Madonna)
    A Royals favourite.

Leave a Reply