The XI: Unpopular Premier League players

Ollie Irish

20th, August 2009


With C-Ron gone, it’s time for someone to step up and take his place as the Prem’s least popular player. Here’s Pies selection for a team of the most unpopular players in the league:
Paul Robinson (Blackburn)
Out-of-form goalkeepers may be booed but generally they’re a likeable bunch. Robbo is about the least popular Prem keeper I could think of, especially by England and Spurs fans who still haven’t forgotten some of the terribly unconvincing performances he made for them. Sorry Paul – you do know that if Jens Lehmann was still at Arsenal, he’d have walked it.
Gary Neville (Man Utd)
The sneering triumphalism of United’s badge-kissing shop steward has been getting right up the noses of non-United fans for years.

John Terry (Chelsea)
The estate agent’s haircut. The whiff of thuggery. The way he handled Man City’s interest this summer. The nickname “Mr Chelsea”. Parking in a disabled space. That’s enough to be going on with.
William Gallas (Arsenal)
Even Arsenal fans don’t really like him. They respect the ability but not the man.
Ashley Cole (Chelsea)
Look into Cashley’s dead dead eyes, if you dare. What do you see? That’s right: pound signs.
Stephen Hunt (Hull)
Terrific little player. Dirty basterd too, and that’s why fans love to hate him – Chelsea fans more than most, naturally. And do the wheels on his house go round and round? Discuss…
Lucas (Liverpool)
The mere mention of the Brazilian’s name is enough to make most Scousers foam at the mouth. Calm down, it’s not like he gave AIDS to your mum.
Jermaine Jenas (Spurs)
One of those players who is talented enough to make football look like a piece of piss. Therefore fans think he isn’t trying. (Sometimes he isn’t.) The “JJ” nickname and flashy tattoos don’t do much for his reputation as a serious footballer.
Tim Cahill (Everton)
Mostly for that dorky “punch the corner flag” goal celebration, but also for his mouthiness.
Craig Bellamy (Man City)
For this. And this. Oh, and this. What a scrote.
Didier Drogba (Chelsea)
One of the first names on the team sheet. Brilliant player but as a human being. Hmmm… the words “fucking disgrace” spring to mind.
Manager: Gary Megson (Bolton)
Could have been Fergie or Wenger but Megson is so disproportionately unpopular that he walks the job. Is it because he looks like a driving instructor who has wandered into the dugout by mistake? Whatever, with Megson in charge, no doubt this team would crash to a depressing defeat.
Who gets into your unpopular XI? Let’s have it…

Posted in Featured, Top 10s & lists

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  1. Chris says:

    Surely Bentley is more hated than any of that midfield?

  2. Ollie says:

    Bentley on the subs bench, I’d say.

  3. Kippax says:

    I can’t believe you haven’t included El-Hadji Diouf, the man for whom the word ‘scrote’ was invented!

  4. Ollie says:

    Diouf has had his time. Fans don’t care about him these days.

  5. neli g says:

    fair do’s ollie. told you that removing captcha would improve participation!

  6. neli g says:

    fair do’s ollie. told you that removing captcha would improve participation!

  7. Jezza says:

    Shame that Egyptian doucheboat extraordinaire Mido is no longer in the Premier League – he would have been a dead cert. And you missed out Ball(s)ack.

  8. QStel says:

    Phil “Orange” Brown would have been a better choice as manager.

  9. David Allison says:

    Ballack and Bentley ahead of Jenas and Cahill (who I actually quite like). Agree with QStel on the management front, too. A cheeky place for Gerrard on the bench, too – his love of the turf has riled many a fan, the world over (and add that to his comments on his own hatred of such behaviour; just makes it worse).

  10. MattyDub says:

    How is Eboue not in there??

  11. Doug says:

    No Diouf or Joey Barton was shocking.
    Not to mention Eboue.
    Good list though.

  12. David Allison says:

    As much as we all yearn for the safe return of Newcastle to the Premier League (and as soon as possible), they were relegated last season, Doug – thus the exclusion of Barton. How easily people forget…

  13. soccer goals says:

    Good List. I would agree with John Terry

  14. soccer goals says:

    Good List. I would agree with John Terry

  15. hollis says:

    Went on a drunken rant about Cashley just this Saturday actually. You forgot to mention that he’s with perhaps the hottest slapper Newcastle has ever produced and he chooses to stick pigs in his spare time. Real men know to cheat up, not down, and it’s an absolute disgrace to be shagging a Geordie in the first place.
    If you make a reverse list I’m lodging a vote for Bullard.

  16. Everton 'ed says:

    Bartons not in the prem :|

  17. Cav says:

    I hate Ballack more than Drogba tbh. Drogba just dives, like plenty of other forwards, but Ballack is a grade A cheater without the talent to make up for it.
    For manager, I would’ve gone with Rafa. He’s a classless, disrespectful twat compared to the likes of the Ancelotti, Wenger, and Ferg, and even though scousers trust him, they don’t like him the way most fans like their managers, and not just because he can’t seem to win the league to save his life.

  18. Fredmeister says:

    Phil Brown for Manager. God I hate him, he looks like the sort of bloke who gets horrible leery at all the girls in the pub, kicks off with anyone who tells him to calm down, then goes home and beats his wife.

  19. 505anthony says:

    Wow. This is a pretty righteous list, could only be partly improved by the addition of a subs bench:
    Eboue, Ballack, Rio Ferdinand, Berbatov, Ledley King (just for being about as fit as my grandpa), and Reina.
    However: Harry Redknapp or Phil Brown should be asst. manager

  20. chet says:

    phil brown for manager.
    also im with hollis, in a reverse list jimmy bullard would be my number one choice.

  21. Anonymous says:


  22. Peter Doherty says:

    Ryan Giggs is an utter twat! And what about Berbatov?

  23. Anonymous says:

    Good work as usual, Ollie. The bit about Megson looking like a confused driving instructor and your use of the word “scrote” both made me laugh out loud. I didn’t realize Jermaine Jenas was so unpopular, though.

  24. Dave says:

    Michael Brown surely has to be in there. Dirty bastard.

  25. machine goooner funk says:

    martin taylor (for eduardo you fucking colossal twat), terry, vidic, cashley cunt cole, fletcher, ballack, barry, greedybayor, bentley, rooney, kevin davies, drogba, silvestre

  26. Mr.Pingyang says:

    I have to say that the list is pretty good. I think that Javier Mascherano should have been included. He has not only one of the most annoying face but he cant seem to shut up. Eboue is a good call as well.
    BUT I think that Joey Barton is just hilarious and so is Diouf.

  27. Lazurus says:

    You lost me at Robinson being unpopular with Spurs fans. That proves that you know nothing at all about football. Moron.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Spurs fans stuck with Robbo even when he was at his worst – he was never unpopular!

  29. Oscarancasey says:

    Just add Dennis Wise as Director of Football and the set up is complete.

  30. whizalen says:

    oh come on…Phil Brown is 10x the disgraceful twat that Gary Megson is. Look at that fucking tan!

  31. Anonymous says:

    Robinhio surely the greedy twat who cries at how bad his team is should be there

  32. Matilda says:

    Yeah fuck Megson. The fucking ginger twat

  33. Anonymous says:

    i would have mascherano ahead of any of that midfield. good list though.
    its a shame there arent enough places on the pitch to properly recognise all the dick heads in the premier league

  34. Anonymous says:

    Dioufy should be there for definite!spitting,diving,just general cheating

  35. scousewemboy says:

    Lucas? wtf? Agree with a lot of the other selections, but most Liverpool fans are fully behind the lad, especially this season. It was only a few utterly clueless part time fans who booed him last year, and they are an absolute disgrace to the club, don’t have a right to call themselves fans. He’s a classy guy too, model professional and no way deserves to be lumped in with this lot.

  36. Rosti says:

    I think that in a couple of month’s time Liverpool fans could be changing their mind about Lucas. At the end of last season he was starting to look like less of a waste of space, and in the pre-season and the first couple of games so far this season he’s looking like maybe Benitez wasn’t completely wrong with his faith in him. He’s starting to show some ability, and while he might not currently be a replacement for Alonso he doesn’t look a million miles away.
    Personally I’d add Ronaldo to the list. Arrogant, diving, money-grabbing piece of sh*t, even if he is fantastic in terms of ability.

  37. Mikel Fernando says:

    I do not like Lucas , Bellamy or Drogba ce I like La Liga but I know Premier league well and watch all matches and I Disagree with Tim Cahill being up there as he is quite popular from my town and my town is considered a big town His celebration is not dorky its better than the usual old jump on team players . Also he not mouthy you see what drogba do to the camera about referee ? that is mouthy , no ? I also think that Robinho cocky and greedy who is self centered and that wayne rooney a self loving weird creepy person who love himself and i no like Mark Hughes …

  38. Robbie says:

    Surely Paul Scholes should get a nod. I mean he is just so offensive looking and ginger. What’s worse, is that he’s had the audacity to continue his bloodline and produce another fuck-ugly ginger head brat – who’s going to get the shit kicked out of him at school, even if he has more pocket money than the other kids. Nobody likes a ginger and Paul Scholes is no exception. Orange cunt

  39. Anonymous says:

    whoever wrote this should think before he stated writting…

  40. PaddyMc says:

    Wonder if Liverpool fans are now re-re evaluating Lucas?

  41. mike says:

    andy marshall is hated by al;l for being judas little ***.

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  43. SA says:

    Anyone who played for NUFC especially lee bowyer, mngr that tosser david o’leary

  44. Bobbie says:

    Cahill! You’ve got to be joking!! How can you hate a man that played for Millwall and Everton! It was never about the money for him, and he is still Australia’s best player in Australia!

    I couldn’t find any pictures of him saving kittens from trees or puppies from burning houses, but here is an article about him visiting sick kids in hospital.

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