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Who ate all the pies

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72940195.jpgApparently, Andy Cole is on the verge of signing for Sunderland after Harry Redknapp agreed to release the 35 year-old from the last two years (!?) of his Portsmouth contract.

No player has scored more Squadgod fantasy points so far than… Antoine Sibierski (pictured, above, with Sunderland’s Kieran Richardson). That’s right, Wigan’s Gallic slaphead has bagged an incredible 70 points so far. Other players who have started strongly are Micah Richards (three games, three clean sheets) and Frank Lampard (whose shoot-on-sight policy is rewarded in this league, where shots on goal score extra points).

Real Madrid new signings Arjen Robben and Gabriel Heinze are presented at the Bernabeu stadium on August 23, 2007 in Madrid, Spain. Photo Jasper Juinen/Getty Images With Robben and Heinze on board, Madrid now have one strong-looking squad – consider that this summer they have also signed Dutch wonderkid Royston Drenthe, German centre-half Christoph Metzelder, […]

Saturday Everton v Blackburn Lawro 2-1, Pies 1-1 Sponsored link: Everton v Blackburn is available on Setanta on 25/08/07 Sunderland v Liverpool Lawro 0-2, Pies 0-1 Arsenal v Man City Lawro 2-0, Pies 1-0 Aston Villa v Fulham Lawro 2-1, Pies 3-0 Bolton v Reading Lawro 1-1, Pies 1-1 Chelsea v Portsmouth Lawro 2-0, Pies […]

Ligue 1 is a three-horse race at this early stage of the season. With four games played Nancy, Lorient and Le Mans are level at the top of the table on 10 points. All three teams have identical goal difference, goals scored and goals conceded. Nancy secured their cut of the action by coming back from 2-0 down to draw 2-2 with Marseille. The home side were booed off the field and are currently in a disappointing 13th place in the table.

David Beckham continued clocking up air miles by arriving in LA-LA land yesterday afternoon, after playing 90 minutes at Wembley, and then being named in the starting line-up half an hour before his team’s match against Chivas USA.

Rodders may have been an East End wideboy, but West Ham’s Mark Noble is an East End central midfielder.

Peter Fox
May sides claim to have a cat between the sticks, but we’ve got a Fox.
Mark Fish
The ex-Bolton and Charlton defender will reel in any attackers.
Peter Haddock
The former Leeds man completes our fishy centre-back pairing.

I despair of the standard of football punditry in Britain today. The Beeb and ITV have so much money to splash out on good, incisive, articulate pundits (Eamon Dunphy, for example) and yet we get clowns like Alan Shearer and Ian Wright. Even Alan Hansen, who used to be decent, is losing the plot. Last night, when asked by Gary Lineker how he’d resolve the Lampard/Gerrard midfield axis of evil, Hansen basically replied: ‘Just carry on playing them together…’ Shearer gave a similar answer when asked where Stevie G should play: ‘In the middle, with Lampard’ was the gist of his answer. Brilliant, why on earth didn’t I think of that? And we call Steve McClaren clueless.

Here is Argentina star Lionel Messi teasing Norway’s defence in last night’s friendly. His skills were not enough for victory though as Norway ran out 2-1 winners.

[Via 101Greatgoals]

Chase me, chase me, chase me! … oh, they’ve buggered off. Sevilla, the little teases, have apparently failed in their bid to get Roman Abramovich to part with almost £25m for a right-back/Star Trek character. They should really have accepted Chelsea’s reported bid of £21.5m, which is still way over the odds for Alves, who is very good, but not that good.

It’s a protracted transfer from Sevilla to Chelsea Jim, but not was we know it. Or something like that. Many thanks to Carey Roberts for the heads-up. Keep those lookalikes comin’…

Steven Velez of Columbia leaps over a tackle by Mexico’s Julo Cesar Dominguez during the international friendly match between Mexico and Columbia at Dick’s Sporting Goods Park on August 22, 2007 in Commerce City, Colorado. Colombia won a very tight match 1-0, thanks to a goal from Interdependiente Medellin winger Jaime Castrillon.
Photo Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

lehmannnnn.gif‘Mad Jens’ Lehman literally handed Blackburn the equaliser at Ewood Park on Sunday with his second goalkeeping gaffe in as many games.

Roma picked up the first meaningful-ish trophy by beating Inter 1-0 in the Supercoppa (if you’re translation skills are appalling, that’s the Italian Super Cup). Daniele De Rossi’s late penalty secured Roma’s win. The real star of the show was Simone Perrotta who managed to get himself sent-off for dissent while waiting to come on as a substitute. The midfielder is now suspended for the start of the Serie A season.

This video shows something that is a bit of a rarity at the moment: Kasper Schmeichel conceding a goal. But here he is Peter’s lad aged six conceding a sloppy goal in the Old Trafford tunnel. Steve Bruce’s son Alex, currently playing at Ipswich, is the man who beats him at his near post.

With Paul Robinson looking increasingly out of sorts and hopelessly out of form following his blunder against Germany last night, who should Steve McClaren stick in nets for the next qualifier? Is Robbo getting a rough deal from England fans? Is David James the man to call upon? Should be McClaren be looking at a younger keeper? Is this too many questions?

1 England started in promising fashion, but it all ended in the same old flat performance and poor result.

Germany defender Per Mertesacker stretches at a training session at Wembley ahead of tonight’s friendly against England.
Photo Martin Rose/Bongarts/Getty Images

David Beckham might take all the credit for creating the metrosexual footballer, but Gazza was showing men it was OK to cry back in 1990. Then again, he has also done some pretty un-metrosexual things but we won’t go into those here!

With England facing Germany in a friendly tonight, Pies looks at the German players who have dared to ply their trade in England.
Bert Trautman
Regardless of your thoughts on the effect foreign players have on the England national team, you could hardly hold it against Trautman. He came to England as a prisoner of war during the Second World War. When the war was over, he stayed on and played for Manchester City. His most famous moment came when he played with a broken neck in the 1956 FA Cup final.

‘Thank you darling…’ Big Martin Jol turns on the charm, as only he can. Gabby Logan, ever the professional, takes it in her stride and laughs it off.

76175753.jpg‘I think I have a naive team. They are naive because they are pure and they are clean.’ Jose Mourinho, exceeding himself in the ‘they said what!?’ stakes.
‘If Chelsea are naive and pure then I’m Little Red Riding Hood.’ Rafa Benitez disagrees with Jose Mourinho’s assessment of his own side.

Does Roman call Jose ‘Hunny Bunny’, I wonder? Probably not, but the thought makes me chuckle. Thanks to Egyptian Gooner for the spot.