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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Roma’s uncompromising central defender trapped in the body of a beach bum, Philippe Mexes, has Horror Hair at the best of times. The Frenchman’s greasy, peroxide-tinted long locks have been featured on Pies before. But last night’s match against Manchester United revealed a cheeky little addition to his barnet, which pushes him further up the Horror Hair stakes: pig-tails. Yes, Philippe now has little tiny girls pig-tails.

Here’s a clip of the greatest pound-for-pound boxer in the world, Floyd ‘Pretty Boy’ Mayweather, wearing a Man Utd shirt during his visit to the north-west to promote his mega fight with Ricky ‘The Hitman’ Hatton. Of course, Mayweather, who has to be the most annoying sportsman on the planet, is not really a United […]

It has been approximately one unbelievebly disappointing spell at Newcastle since the words ‘Albert Luque’ and ‘goal’. But just like buses, you wait ages for an Albert Luque goal and then two come along at once. He scored Ajax’s opening two goals in their 6-1 victory over VVV Venlo. He is pictured Forrest Gump-ing towards his first goal for the club above. The next Luque strike might be a little longer as the Spaniard went off injured after bagging his brace.

The first in an occasional series celebrates arguably the most famous song by The Hitchers, a punkish rock group from Limerick, Ireland. If I remember rightly, this single, which was a double A side (backed with ‘You Can Only Love Someone’), made John Peel’s Festive 50 in 1997, and there’s not much higher praise than […]

This is Falcao – the futsal star of Brazil. The 30-year-old is a hero in his home country and is reportedly the man Ronaldinho looks up to for inspiration. What he can’t do with a football ain’t worth doing. In fact, most of what he does with a football ain’t worth doing, but it sure is entertaining to watch.

Whatever happens tonight in the Champions League, this was the shock result of Matchday Two, no question. When Glasgow Rangers were drawn in the Group of Death, with Barcelona, Stuttgart (the champions of Germany) and Lyon (French champions), I thought they stood less than a 5% chance of making it into the next round. Now, […]

1 A quality finish from Wayne Rooney. He put it the one place where the keeper couldn’t reach it from a narrow angle.

Like the Miroslav Klose and Franck Ribery video we showed you yesterday, this is a viral promoting FIFA 08. Here is what happens when Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney and Real Madrid’s Sergio Ramos decide to go for a quiet game of golf.

A disagreement turns into a full-blown scuffle during this season’s Community Shield between Man United and Chelsea. This is what happens when Man Yoo fans from Croydon and Manchester clash, I guess.

Oof! Krzysztof Lagiewka’s eyebrow just took one hell of a beating. Scientists often say that repeatedly heading the ball is bad for the brain, and this photo shows why. Lagiewka’s eyebrow gets all bent out of shape as he heads the ball during the Russian Football League Championship match between FC Dynamo and FC Krylya […]

Not a bad way to mark your first game for a new club. Dutch veteran Philip Cocu, now playing in the UAE for Al Jazira, scored with this fierce bicycle kick to help his new club to a 2-1 win over Al Wasl. I always thought Cocu was an underrated player, and it’s nice to […]

Luca Toni’s transfer fee is starting to look like the best €11 million Bayern Munich have ever spent. The Italian’s six goals just eight games into the Bundesliga season have sent Bayern top with a four-point cushion. He scored his latest goal in the 0-1 win against Bayer Leverkusen at the weekend. He is pictured above taking in Munich’s famous Oktoberfest with Miroslav Klose and Franck Ribery.

Fans of Euro 2008 co-hosts Austria have launched a petition to have their national team thrown out of the competition on the grounds that they are going to humiliate the country. The Österreich zeigt Rückgrat (Austria show backbone) initiative calls for the team to be withdrawn for the benefit of football fans everywhere and national pride in Austria.

On the left we have the real Wayne Rooney (unless EA Sports hired a lookalike for their FIFA 08 photoshoot, which would complicate matters further) and on the right we have his computer-generated evil twin. FIFA 08 Rooney has a slight glint in his eye which suggests he might be about to kill his clean-shaven, slightly thinner, human other half!

One of the most stunning nights of European football at Old Trafford. One thing’s for sure: there will be no repeat of this scoreline tonight, when the two teams meet in the CL again. More Man Yoo talk at Man United Pies

Wow, what a pulsating game to mark Spurs’ 125th anniversary! At 4-1 down, Martin Jol looked like a dead man walking, but Spurs roared back to snatch an unlikely draw – that no doubt felt to Spurs fans more like a win – with a Younes Kaboul goal in added time. This photo (Getty Images) […]

John Terry will play for Chelsea in their Champions League match against Valencia tomorrow, despite suffering a depressed cheekbone fracture, courtesy of Clint Dempsey’s elbow, on Saturday. The Sun imagine JT’s mask will look like this, putting me in mind of that great episode of Only Fools and Horses, when Del and Rodney dress up […]

Newcastle manager Sam Allardyce is eager to be reunited with his former Bolton keeper Jussi Jaaskelainen. Although the Finn is a decent keeper, goalkeeping is one area of the team where the Magpies are already blessed.

mrtoshack.jpgJohn Toshack is a man who knows a thing or two about being in at the deep end in the world of football. He’s played in the Liverpool side that became one of the most successful teams in history, as well as leading Real Madrid to La Liga. He also knows a thing or two about playing games with the press saying directly translating stock footballing phrases into Spanish that only make sense in the original English… “La Liga es el pan y la mantequilla y la nata es la Copa del Rey or ‘The League is the bread and butter and the Cup is the cream’…

I’ve spoken about Garrincha on these pages before, but there’s always excuse to have another look at Brazil’s greatest ever player (yes… he is the greatest). If there is one player I would’ve loved to see in his heyday, it’s ‘Little Wren’. Imagine him in the modern game! With all those lovely camera angles we have now, and less clogging of skillful players, Garrincha would have trounced all the young pretenders out there now.

Whilst watching Match Of The Day at the weekend, I was shocked at how football is able to still surprise after all these years. I’m not talking about the match between Pompey and Reading that finished 34 – 12, but rather, the horrific thatch sat atop Peter Walton’s cranium. Refereeing the Blackburn/Sunderland match, Walton’s wild receder left me completely distracted from the action. Great stuff… if horrendous…

Thierry Henry scored a hat-trick as Barcelona beat Levante 1-4 to go top of La Liga. Real Madrid are hot on their heels, just one point behind with a game in hand – after beating Getafe 0-1.

Here at Pies, we pride ourselves on our Shit Lookalikes. Sadly we can’t take the credit for this one because it is down to the Coventry City squad. The players at the Ricoh Arena have apparently taken to calling new captain Arjan de Zeeuw ‘Kosta‘ because they reckon he looks like Australian boxer Kosta Tszyu.

Birmingham 0-1 Manchester United
Crissy Ronaldo (© Pies) pounced early in the second-half to give United victory and keep up with Arsenal.

Ah, the bog roll launched from the stand unravelling as it arcs its way towards the pitch – surely one of the finest sights in football. Players normally turn a blind-eye to such activities until said bog roll interferes with a goal-kick/hits them.