It’s obvious which big striker Arsene Wenger should sign in January…

Ollie Irish

7th, December 2009


Ladies and gents, I give you the new Niall Quinn…


Luca Toni.

The maths is as follows:

X: Toni is very unhappy at Bayern Munich, having failed to adjust to the German culture. He’s also fallen out with manager Louis van Gaal, who is not the most forgiving of men.

Y: Arsenal really need a big target man to do some donkey work/get on the end of crosses, as the likes of Niall Quinn and Alan Smith – useful donkeys, both – did for Arsenal in the past.

X+Y = makes perfect sense for both parties

I think Arsene Wenger could do a lot worse that put in a bid in January for Toni, who is desperate to leave Munich (ideally he’d return to Italy, but culturally London has to be a much better option than Bavaria) and also desperate to nail down a place in Italy’s World Cup squad.

Toni and Arshavin, the hottest new strike partnership in the Premier League? Stranger things have happened.

Those of you shouting at your computer screens, “But Toni is rubbish!” are missing the point slightly. Quinn and Smith were also no world beaters (indeed, I’d say Toni is better than either), but they made such a nuisance of themselves that their team-mates profited.

Inspired idea or crazy talk?

Fletch says:


“I’m a big fan of Italian food. The gaffer told me to cut out the deep-fried chocolate and eat a lot of pasta instead – I like the wee bow ties.”

Posted in Arsenal, Bundesliga, Transfers & Rumours

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  1. Boston Red says:

    This is actually brilliant…

  2. Murt says:

    Don’t give up the day job

  3. silentstan says:

    nspired idea or crazy talk?

    seeing as you are asking, Crazy

    Quinn and Smith were also no world beaters (indeed, I’d say Toni is better than either), but they made such a nuisance of themselves that their team-mates profited.

    in a totally different footballing era

  4. Squelch says:

    Not a bad shout I say Ollie. He’s been linked with clubs in the lower echelon of the Premiership but I’m sure if Arsenal were really interested he’d go there in a shot. Don’t see it though, Wenger doesn’t buy donkeys or older players.

  5. PaulO says:

    Why don’t we sign David Haye instead, he is younger a world champion and also a nuisance.

  6. anon says:

    you are right

  7. Keith says:

    Makes perfect sense, which is why Arsene will never, ever, ever do it.

  8. arsenal passion says:

    Toni is as good as former idot Adebayor. Let’s not make the same mistake and land another useless twit.

  9. mareantheone says:

    ajax’s luis suarez makes more sense to me.

  10. Baz says:

    Are you quite sane? The man is a plank!

  11. Sheps ( says:

    This makes absolutely perfect sense for everyone involved.

    There is however one small glitch. Someone other than Wenger has heard of Toni. Therefore he cannot be signed by Arsenal.

  12. goonerian says:

    You must be joking, I’d sooner we bring back John Hawley for those who remember him.

  13. Blanks says:

    We shld buy Benjani.

    Brilliant player, good work ethic.

  14. Hootie says:

    The only reason I don’t think it makes sense is that Toni will surely cost more than Wenger normally shells out, especially for an older player. I can’t see a situation where he doesn’t go to Milan, who could use a target man and have a fetish for old forwards.

  15. smith says:

    this is the greatest piece of shit that i’ve read in mordern times absolute waste of webspace

  16. Christy Holly says:

    I really want to hear the reaction to this one. Ideal world we would bring in Carlton Cole but he is injured. So ladies and gentlemen i bring to you Kevin Davis. Scored double figures last year, beat shit outta half the center halves in the prem, caused havoc. Could you imagine him hold the ball up for the runners of nasri, arshavin, fab.

    He comes with prem experience, cheap price tag and could teach the players a hell of a alot………

  17. Lester May says:

    Crap call! He’s shit!

  18. Mistaken says:

    doesn’t make sent me at all. Can’t understand why we don’t just buy an out and out quality striker.

  19. gunner says:

    Toni is rubbish watched him regularly in Serie A, he was rubbish. Watched him not so regularly in the Bundesliga but of what i seen he was still… RUBBISH! Nicky B.. err.. (that’s Bendtner btw ;)) is better than him.

  20. gooner says:

    I agree with everything you’ve said…. actually I dont think he is rubbish, hes just a guy that does not do fancy moves, what he does is position himself in a good spot and if a good pass came to him (thats what arsenal are all good about good passing!!!! but the problem is that we dont really have a pure striker, even RVP is not a pure striker) he’ll just finish it.

    But I dont think this is going to happen for 2 reasons, one he is 32, second he is cup tied for the champions league.

  21. gooner says:

    Pazzini would be a better choice and he would leave samp. for arsenal. he’s tall and he’s also skilled

  22. Ross says:

    You obviously don’t know much about Bavarian culture but good suggestion

  23. Marko says:

    No not Luca Toni he’s so shite. Dzeko is my absolute favourite but I’ve no idea if he’d come or if we could afford him. Gervinho is another good option he’s banging in the goals since joining Lille.

  24. Anonymous says:

    pavlachenko would be a decent signing – it might cheer arshavin up

  25. Bjohnson says:

    The only thing that would make sense is what I have been saying for thelast 3 years – We should have bought Anelka. It is quite obvious that he wanted to comeback. However, some of you IDIOTS would never forgive him because he left us( even though he made us over £20 million and scored many goals for us)

  26. Chringle says:

    Arsene please take note, I will play for half of what Toni asks for as wages and do twice as good a job. I’ve got a good touch for a big man.

  27. Ray says:

    Carlton Cole is required for the premier and champions league

  28. Utdd says:

    If they was looking for that type of player, then they should go for kevin davies ;)

  29. Mohd says:

    As long as AW sign young players with potential Arsenal can forget about fighting for honours.And forget about challengingthe big boys if continues to sign guys not taller than 175cm.
    Luckily he has nor gone for the diminutive Juventis striker.

  30. Trennon says:

    We need Kenwyn Jones and no body else. Proven at a crap club, young, and better than Ade was at the same age.

  31. Fab4 says:

    Toni wants a return to Italy because he misses his mummy. There’s no way Wenger would sanction her transfer as it would “kill” one of the up and coming tea ladies.

  32. Jim says:

    Alan Smith was far better than “a useful donkey”. An excellent target man who could bang in 20+ goals a season, if Toni can do that let’s have him.

  33. Le Foxe says:

    Signing someone like this would make sense – but it would have to be a 6 month loan deal. Wenger wouldnt bother with a permanent contract.

    I would be highly surprised if he buys anyone in Jan. My guess is that he will pick up a few internationals that are struggling to get games at the mo on a loan deal, knowing they’d be wanting to prove their worth to their respective national team.

  34. David says:

    Just the small matter of £138,000 net per week wages…

  35. stav says:

    Hang on, Alan Smith was more than a bit usefu! He won the Golden Boot in a side that didnt make chances like the current side, he held the ball up, had some very subtle touches and scored more goals than i think you realise.

    Carlton Cole is the way forward, he has always looked good since his Chelsea days. He is due back in about 4/5 weeks and so could be fit for the transfer window. Shame about Anelka, I would have him back at a drop of a hat….

  36. Rocky Lives says:

    Presumably you’re too young to have ever actually watched Alan Smith. He was a quality player with a great touch and, best of all, a well developed footballing intelligence which enabled him to lay off the right pass at the right time (the opposite of Adebayor). Just because you’re lanky doesn’t make you crap. We won the league twice with Smudger and both times he won the Golden Boot. Even though Ian Wright was deemed by many to be a better player when he replaced the Smudge, we never won the league after he came in (at least not until Wenger’s first double, when Wrighty was a bit part player).

  37. Jamie says:

    huntelaar not playing at milan?? surely an easy option and could be a lethal goalscorer!!

  38. John says:

    We should go and sign Emile Heskey. Would settle in straight away and will want to prove himself before world cup. Could also be cover on flanks too. Better option than Toni.

  39. Ollie says:

    @ Rocky Lives: On the contrary, I’m plenty old enough to have seen the Smudger in action. Smith was a fine league player, but I think it’s fair to say he was no world beater. Defensive Gooner alert.

  40. Jim says:

    Smudger was a great player, the Cup Winners Cup final goal is still one of my favourites

  41. Sam says:

    Bendtner will be back in 3 weeks. Wenger will be saying it is like a new signing come Christmas.

  42. Vincent says:

    Huntelaar is tall and van perse+huntelaar+arshavin=premier league title

  43. francesco illiaderincenza says:

    Kerzhakov would be alright. Who I really would like to see is Diego Forlan or Luiz Suarez. Real gems.

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