By Chris Wright

“And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint”

According to this morning’s Daily Mail, West Ham’s portly striker Benni McCarthy has now seen his ‘fat fines’ breach the £200,000 barrier after having his wages docked for a fifth time for failing to meet the club’s 2.2lb weekly weight loss target.

After weighing in at a meaty 15st at the start of ther season, McCarthy was told that he would have to reach 13st 5lb before he would be considered for first-team duties again.

The South African eventually reached his target weight in October, but has now been omitted from West Ham’s 25-man Premier League squad for the remainder of the season over concerns that his body fat count is still on a par with that of a donner kebab.

So said Hammers manager Avram Grant:

“He’s a very good player and one of the best finishers in training that I have ever seen, and I have had some good players. But now we need players with movement and the advantage of being quick, and we have others.”

McCarthy’s agent Rob Moore (he robs more!) told the Mail:

“He wants to play and is not a guy who wants to sit around and collect his cheque.”

Quite right, he’s the kind of guy that wants to sit around and eat chicken nuggets.

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