By Chris Wright
Partly as a gesture of their appreciation for the increasing the profile of French football and partly, one suspects, because dropping his name into conversation is always good for precious, precious HITZ, Toulouse have sent a special, social media-friendly birthday message to Zlatan Ibrahimovic on the anniversary of his 33rd year here on Earth.
Appearing on the Toulouse website, the birthday message is a wordy old ordeal, but we’ve plucked the important bits from it and translated them as best we can…
Today is a special day for you and so, indeed, for the whole of France. What are we talking about “the whole of France”? For the entire planet!”
We can only applaud your visionary talent. Anyway, Oh Great Z, know that despite the perverse pleasure that you could take in scoring goals against us these last two seasons, we are not vindictive.
We want to thank you. For everything. On the one hand, we thank you for the breath of fresh air and madness you blew into the Ligue 1 (and all over France). For there is no need to love football to know the reputation of the Hunter of Malmö!
Ligue 1 now not only knows you, but she loves you.
Next, we thank you for Zlatanmania accompanying each of your appearances at home, in Toulouse, and everywhere elsewhere in the province.
You make dream football fans, young and old, but not just that. Now, mums, sisters and cousins also want to come see the Ibrahimovic phenomenon.
Therefore, on this day of celebration, we’re sending you a surprise gift parcel which we hope you will delight you and your offspring.
You’ll find a balm to heal your heel pain, two of our jerseys with your kids’ names on as well as a shoot-em-up video game you love so much.
Also, [ex-OGC Nice defender] Renato Civelli will slam a kiss on your neck (a reference to this) the next time he visits you at the Parc des Princes. An honourable kiss, obviously.
Happy Birthday and long live the Z!
To add to the letter, Toulouse have also cobbled together a little video preview of the gift basket they’ve assembled for Zlatan, which they’ve set to his (un)official theme song…
It’s the thought that counts.