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Who ate all the pies

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Transfers & Rumours

Transfer Rumours: Football is awash with gossip, hogwash, tittle tattle and rumours and we’ll dutifully round them all up here for you and assess them in our own wry, irreverent way. Something very odd happened in Macclesfield the other night. During their FA Cup game against Walsall, it started to rain. Instead of the usual North West downpour of water, it rained footballs. Loads of them. Pranksters…

Lord Stevens is being urged to name innocent clubs today that are not involved in his bungs investigation. Several club chairmen will put their case at a meeting today, arguing that their clubs have been tainted by accusations after Lord Stevens announced that there were a total of eight clubs and 39 deals under investigation. […]

Oh look! Another scandal involving football managers! This time it involves betting. The FA is all set to investigate allegations that several Premiership managers have laid bets on top-flight matches. The claims were made by a former employee of bookmakers Victor Chandler. "We will see if there has been any breach of our regulations and […]

This photograph of Gazza was taken shortly before his arrest on suspicion of causing actual bodily harm. I think it is fair to say he was looking worse for wear at the time. Eyewitnesses claim that the 39-year-old racially abused a black photographer and punched another photographer outside the Boujis nightclub, Kensington. He was later […] David Beckham apparently suffered from ‘psychological difficulties’ after being dropped by Steve McClaren… so reckons Real Madrid manager Fabio Capello. The former ManYoo player resigned as England captain after the World Cup in Germany before being axed from the squad after McClaren succeeded Sven-Goran Eriksson as England manager…

Glenn ‘Boo Hoo Hoo’ Roeder is whining again. He’s hit out at a fixture list which has left his Magpies facing three matches in six days. Newcastle are set to meet Sheffield United on Saturday, two days after facing Palermo in the Uefa Cup, then travel to Watford on Tuesday for a Carling Cup tie. […]

Neil Redfearn is set to step out for his 1000th game this weekend. The incredible journey started off in 1982 at Bolton Wanderers where he made his debut as a 17 year old, and will hit the milestone at Bradford Park Avenue who ply their trade in the Unibond League’s Division One. His 1000th game […]

UEFA want a clampdown on the rising level of intimidation towards match officials.The footballing body reaction comes after the ‘Battle of Barcelona’ nearly ended up in disarray and complete anarchy on Tuesday night.
Outraged at the repeated sight of both sets of players… Premier League top cheese, Richard Scudamore, is hoping that new regulations regarding (those scumbag) agents are pushed through in time for the January transfer window. The league is in serious talks with the FA about introducing some new laws where clubs cannot pay agents…

The fascination with Sven Goran Eriksson‘s next managerial job has taken a twist after he was linked with the Nigeria national team job. Assistant Tord Grip let slip on Swedish radio that Sven had been in talks with the Nigerian FA. Talking about a meeting 10 days ago, Grip said: "I don’t know exactly what […]

Arsene warns against arrogance

October 31st, 2006 Arsene Wenger has warned his Arsenal boys against displaying the ‘arrogance’ they showed when they played against CSKA Moscow in the Champions League. The arrogance which he speaks of is the result of…

Newcastle‘s comeback kid Kieron Dyer is injured again after maked a 30 minute comeback against Portsmouth in the Carling Cup on Wednesday night. Dyer’s notorious groins and hamstrings are still intact, but the midfielder is now facing at least two weeks on the sidelines after picking up an injury to his left eye. Rumours that […]

BREAKING NEWS Ipswich Town is interested in signing Titus Bramble. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play […]

Everyone’s favourite Malcolm Glazer impersonator, Wayne Rooney, turns 21 today. It is easy to forget England and Manchester United‘s hoover-loving talisman is still so young. Quite what you buy the 21-year-old who has everything, I’m not sure (who said an ageing prostitute?). The Times has instead opted to point out 21 reasons why Rooney should […]

David Beckham is set to be knighted in January, according to the Daily Express. The former England skipper could be in line for the honour for services to football and for the role he played in securing the 2012 Olympics for London. Surely a place in the Real Madrid starting line-up would be guaranteed if […]

BREAKING NEWS: The FA has confirmed that no disciplinary action will arise after Sunday’s incredible Reading v Chelsea Premiership match, in which two Chelsea goalkeepers (Petr Cech and Carlo Cudicini) were hospitalised. An FA statement said: ‘The FA has reviewed the incidents involving Stephen Hunt/Petr Cech and Ibrahima Sonko/Carlo Cudicini and has contacted referee Mike […]

Arsenal join the orderly queue forming behind one Sir Alex Ferguson for a sniff of Klaas-Jan Huntelaar [Sporting Life] Fulham plot a move for American World Cup star / rapper Clint Dempsey [Mirror] Duncan Disorderly fancies a move to Oz with Perth Glory [Mirror] Sheffield United, Blackburn and Manchester City in the hunt for Paraguay’s […]

The News of the Screws ran an interesting story yesterday on the state of Roman Abramovich‘s marriage. If what they say is true (and there’s no guarantee of that), things look pretty bad for Roman, who could lose half of his dosh in a divorce settlement. His wife, Irina (pictured, left), has reportedly called in […]

Wembley will be ready for 2007 FA Cup final. I’ll believe it when I see it [Telegraph] Manchester City read to pounce for Crewe youngster Billy Jones [Mirror] It’s exodus at Gresty Road. Late bloomer Luke Varney will follow Jones out of the door and head for Portsmouth, Aston Villa or Southampton [Clubcall] Liverpool and […]

Bolton have taken the man dubbed ‘China’s Peter Crouch’ on a one-month trial. Striker Yang Changpeng it the world’s tallest footballer at 6ft 9in – a full two inches taller than Peter Crouch. The 19-year-old currently plays in China with Wuhan Huanghelou. The giant – whose legs are slightly more muscley than Crouch’s – will […]

The powers-that-be at FIFA have announced their usual long shortlist for the World Player of the Year award. I sometimes wonder whether they just trawl through last year’s list and cross off a few names they haven’t heard mentioned for a while. Frank Lampard? He had a relatively poor season and an appalling World Cup. […]

Permatanned Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan has today been bragging about his cunning plan to secure the ownership of Selhurst Park. The dastardly Jordan hid behind a Singapore financier so that he did not have to cross swords again with former chairman Ron Noades while securing the freehold in a £12 million deal. He said: […]

The transfer window is still closed as far as I am aware, but nobody has told the Mirror! Everyone – including Drogba and Ronaldo – to move on the cheap as transfer system collapse [Guardian]Barca are still interested in Blackburn’s Lucas Neill (pictured) [Mirror] Zoltan Gera set to move to Portsmouth from West Brom for […]

Word on the street is that Newcastle captain Scott Parker will line up for England against Croatia as part of a five-man midfield as England opt to play it safe in Zagreb. Parker will reportedly play in front of a back three of Rio Ferdinand, Ledley King and skipper John Terry. Gary Neville and Ashley […]