What Is Everton’s Best 5-Aside Team?
By Ollie Irish
Here’s my perfect Everton five-aside team. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
TIM HOWARD – They’ve got Timmy Tourettes in their nets, fuck off fuck off fuck off.
JOHN HEITINGA - All-action, muscular defender with the ball skills to venture forward too. You shall not pass.
MIKEL ARTETA – Class in a glass. He’d create goals, he’d score goals, and never a hair out of place. Marvellous. How does he do it!?
DINIYAR BILYALETDINOV – Often overlooked by Moyes in eleven-aside, apple-cheeked Billy gets in my team because he’s got great ball control and a wicked shot. Which in five-aside plays very well. And I feel a bit sorry for him, cause a) he’s on the bench a lot, and b) he looks a bit like Danny Dyer.
STEVEN PIENAAR - Up front I’ve gone with perhaps a surprise choice, in the form of Steven ‘Stevie P’ Pienaar. Why? He’s very quick, very skilful and very composed in front of goal. And, unlike Louis Saha, he’s made of real flesh and bones.
There, job done. Can you do better?
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cahill over billy
mucha (he is bigger than the goal)
Baines (hammer for a left foot)
Mikkey
Maggie Guye (lightning in a bootle)
timmy the blue kangaroo (playing as striker)
Howard
Jagielka – quality all day at the back.
Fellaini – in 5 a side he’d be a human tank supporting Jagielka, and can be fierceome on the break
Pienaar/ Coleman – To supply the assists, creativity and trickery needed either would do, probably I’d go with Pienaar.
Yakubu – An instinctive goal scorer when fully fit, but even as he is, one on one with a defender he has the presence and intelligence to be a constant threat.
Howard
Jags
Screech
Arteta
Cahill
I’m sorry but Pienaar doesn’t score enough.. got to include Yakubu up top
no billy, hes made of paper
Iain Turner
Hibbo
Sylvain ‘Fuck Off’ Distin
Phil Nev
Beckford
Cahill
Howard
Jagielka
Baines
Arteta
Cahill
howard, heitinga, arteta, pienaar, saha(yes, it’s him, w/o counting all the injuries, he’s real quality)
Howard
Fellaini
Arteta
Cahill
Saha
Howard, Jagielka, Arteta, Pienaar, Saha.
5 a side would negate Cahill attributes of heading, scoring from set pieces and arriving late in the box.
Timmy Howard
Phil Jagielka
Leighton Baines
Mikel Arteta
Steven Pienaar
no need for a striker would of had cahill but without
his head he doesnt score enough :)
Howard
Jagielka
P. Neville
Arteta
Saha
[...] Everton Tweet [...]
Howard
Leighton Baines – crack shot on the left
Yakubu – big and fearsome are always good qualities
Pienaar – good control on the pitch
Cahill – the scrappy little aussman will never stop running
howard
jagielka very solid defender
arteta the best player in the team
cahill a very talented player would be good for fie aside
yakubu very strong just what you need therye