When will David Moyes – a fairly conservative and dour Scot – order Marouane Fellaini to get a haircut? The Belgian’s barnet is threatening to take over his face, surely not good for a professional footballer.
There is even photographic evidence to suggest that his hair is trying to take over the heads of other players:
Kevin-Prince Boateng had a narrow escape this time, but how long before Fellaini’s hair becomes fully self-aware and consumes the entire Premier League? Moyesey, it must be stopped. Hold the lad down and break out the clippers. This is the Fellaini we want to see: