Top 5 Best And Worst New Premier League Kits For 2013/14

By Chris Wright

It’s kit launch season at the mo, so we though we’d cast our beady peepers around the Premier League club shops and duly rate and slate their wares for next season – starting with the five strips that have had us purring with delight since they walked into our lives…

1. Manchester City 13/14 home

To our eye, City’s new Nike strip – after a couple of years of fairly stagnant Umbro designs – is a thing of crisp, minimal beauty…

city-home

2. Manchester City 13/14 away

We’re goddamn suckers for a black kit and the oh-so-subtle half-and-half design that City will be wearing on their travels next season is a little ripper…

city-away

3. Norwich 13/14 home

Ordinarily speaking, yellow’s not really our thang but, never-the-less, we have a hankerin’ for the smart, clean lines of the Canaries’ new home strip – though what are we supposed to be “daring to dream” about? Lower mid-table obscurity?

norwich-home

4. Chelsea 13/14 away

In a tribute to Stamford Bridge legend Khalid Bouhlarouz, Chelsea have drawn inspiration from the 2006 Holland away strip – which is perfectly okay by us…

adidas-Chelsea-FC-Away-Kit-2013-14

5. Fulham 13/14 home

Released today, that thing’s just sexy. Can you imagine Berba wearing it, spread-eagle on an bearskin rug by the fireside, the air heady with cigar smoke as he sensually swills a glass of brandy and makes come hither eyes at y…oh Christ, we’ve gone too far again…

fulham-home

And onto the five most gruesome, eye-saddening kits that are set to sully our conscience next season, beginning with Warrior’s double-barreled assault on our corneas…

1. Liverpool 13/14 away and third

This is what happens when you snort your body weight in Ketamine before setting about designing football kits (what are the odd socks all about?). Considering this is Warrior we’re talking about here, Liverpool’s new togs actually could’ve been far, far worse – they could’ve had “gloryholes“…

liv-kits

2. Swansea 13/14 away

The visual representation of an epileptic fit…

swansea-away

3. Aston Villa 13/14 away

It’s got “arse-end of the Football League show” written all over it…

C13000015    	910058 AWAY SHIRT LS

4. Manchester United 13/14 away

Dismal in the truest sense of the word. Here’s us thinking we were done with all this Gingham bollocks…

man-utd-away

5. Swansea home, Stoke away, Sunderland home, Southampton home, West Ham away, West Brom away, Hull City home and away (and there are more yet to be released)

With so many clubs opting for the exact same generic off-the-peg Adidas design, mid-to-lower-table is going to look about as dull as ditchwater next season…

adidas-dull-kits

hull-kits

Boooooooooring.

Any 2013/14 kits out there that have caught your eyes (possibly for all the wrong reasons) Pies fans?

Posted in Featured, Kits & fashion, Newsnow, Top 10s & lists

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38 Comments

  1. ERG1008 says:

    The Chelsea away shirt is excellent but I don’t mind the Man Utd away. Reminds me a bit of Scotland Euro 96.

  2. Rory says:

    That Villa one is filth, I hope Macron are giving Villa some pile of cash because they’re kit designs have been hideous.

  3. Rory says:

    *their

  4. Liam says:

    So annoying that Addi-ass kits have no imagination. I’m a Hull fan and I feel upset that out rivals will pretty the same kit barring the colours.

  5. Greg says:

    Why is the West Brom badge so far down and to the left on that kit? Its practically in the arm pit.

  6. Anonymous says:

    You’re obviously a City fan. What a biased opinion.

  7. Pragmaticsolution says:

    Liverpool is a great example of what happens when the same people who own the team own the kit maker. I believe an intervention is in order. As for the addidas sleeve template, it’s odd that so many EPL teams went with it. Over here in MLS Land only one club (sadly my Houston Dynamo) went with it. Addidas actually made some interesting kits (see Sporting KC) for a lot of the MLS clubs, wonder why they got so lazy in Europe.

  8. Anonymouse says:

    I quite like United’s new away kit.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I would swap Swansea away with the Norwich kit. Swansea one is smart and different I think. LFC home kit is also very slick.

  10. Al says:

    I’m not defending the abomination that is liverpools kit but is it not a bit rich to slag off warrior for an out there individual kit and also slag off the teams that went with a safe adidas template? Can’t have it both ways and as nice as Man City’s kit is it’s pretty safe and similar to all the Nike kits from the Euro’s as well as not being a whole lot different to the previous Umbro kits. This article has schizophrenia

  11. Moxey says:

    I seem to remember this site gushing over City’s kits last season and “loving” what Umbro were doing with kits back then. Now they’re “fairly stagnant”?

  12. MickyMaddox says:

    The City black would’ve been nicer in a single tone, imo. The Fulham one is a bit weird

    On the other had adidas template looks cool to me but then I’m not a fan of any of those teams so I don’t care about them being similar.

    Everything though is put into perspective by the author of this post being a city fan. What would he know about taste…?

  13. aspo says:

    i new this guy was a cit’eh doosh

  14. Herman says:

    The Norwich home kit is fukin horrible.

  15. John says:

    You’ve had a change of heart on Umbro and Man City:

    http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/kits/131187/man-city-201213-home-and-away-kits-lovely-lovely-retro-loveliness-photos.html

    This time last year you were loving “Uncluttered, understated, classy and with a healthy tinge of ‘retro’ styling.”

    Fickle man!

    (Tbh they both look pretty similar)

  16. KingB3113 says:

    Besides the badge that looks like it was glued on and the Nike logo, can anyone honestly say there is a difference between City’s new kit and last season’s kit?

  17. Lady B says:

    @ Al: There’s a difference between bland, samey kits that are Adidas are producing, nice unusual kits that (whatever company) produces, and that utter horror-show that Warrior have produced :/ I’m a Liverpool fan going “WTF is that?!?!” at the new kits. Shudder

  18. Anonymous says:

    @lady B – I agree, I’m also a liverpool fan so feel your pain, just thought the article was full of contradictions

  19. Mr. Chopper says:

    I’ve gone wrong. I’ve completely come round to the Liverpool away and third kit, the third in particular. AFAIK, they’re only wearing it for four confirmed games all season. Even if you hate it, it’s not like they’re wearing it every week.

  20. usrick says:

    Even among a collection of kits chosen for their unattractiveness the Liverpool third kit stands out as awful. I hope other EPL clubs will play home matches in their away kits or do whatever else it takes to never be seen on the same pitch as those shirts.

  21. birmingham steve says:

    I honestly like the new Liverpool home kit, but the away and 3rd kits are atrocious.

  22. GoodGuy says:

    The Man Utd away kit isn’t bad.. It’s quite nice.

  23. Moxey says:

    Isn’t Chris (the author of this article) a Forest fan?

  24. Chris says:

    Wait until you get a glimpse of the new Crystal Palace away strip.

  25. Ceerial says:

    Congratulations to Fulham for having their first ever good looking kit.

    The Villa away is not pretty, but it’s not that bad.

    And Norwich kit is just awful.

  26. ElTuco says:

    Actually the Chelsea change kit is in no way inspired by the Dutch away kit from years gone by; it is inspired by a change kit they wore in the 1960s with the red stripe being a nod to the Chelsea Pensioners; the red being included in some of their kits over the years most recently as 2010-11 on the back of the collar if I’m not mistaken. This is the change kit I refer to: http://www.historicalkits.co.uk/Chelsea/images/chelsea_1961-1962-change.gif

  27. Kenny says:

    The Liverpool kits are like a night out. You’ve got the good looking one (home), her ugly friend (away) and the one who isn’t the best but you can see something in (third). True to form when you eventially make your move for the third, it will be cheap enough to be appealing.

  28. Lady B says:

    I actually like the Liverpool 3rd kit… Saw the away kit in a sports shop today and it’s even uglier in the flesh!(cloth?) :/

  29. Rob says:

    Chris, is that an old Blackpool badge you have as your avatar?

  30. Ramirez says:

    No Umbro kit in Premier League 2013-14? So sad… :-(

  31. Arselona says:

    Wow, can’t belive adidas are making kits for 9 Premier Leauge clubs this season.

  32. Pretty poor selection this year. Man U home is decent, I think Chelsea’s home kit is alright too.

    Totally agree about the Adidas off the peggers though, tremendously boring. I guess thats a fair reflection on the teams that are wearing them though.

  33. Dany says:

    I think man city home kit is the best kit of 2013/14 season

  34. Joe says:

    I’m a Portsmouth fan but I think that crystal palaces away kit is really good this year.

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