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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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So whilst England failed abjectly to trouble the scorers against plucky Israel (and respect to the home side’s stalwart defenders), the good ‘ole US of America stood as one to applaud this hat-trick, scored by Landycakes for the national team against Ecuador. Watch out for his third goal – it’s a cracker:

Here’s a picture of Ollie, Pies Ed. arriving at work in his new yacht this morning, having cleaned up at the bookies this weekend. Mad props to Lee Honeyball, our new tipster, who landed all four of his live bets in his debut column, adding up to around a 150-1 quadruple. Mystic Lee correctly predicted […]

Cristiano Ronaldo rammed Belgium goalkeeper Stijn Stijnen’s threats of violence down his throat as he helped Portugal to a 4-0 victory on Saturday. And he scored two goals against the man who warned he would be leaving the pitch on a stretcher for good measure! Just like England, Portugal made the necessary adjustments after a […]

Good weekendTurkey A 1-4 away win in their grudge match against Greece.David Healy The Northern Ireland striker scored his second hat-trick of the qualifiers against Liechtenstein.Scotland Still sitting pretty on top of Group B after victory in Georgia. Bad weekend [Rob Parker]

[Mof Gimmers]

Did you enjoy the brilliant Top 20 Comedy Football Moments (Vol. 2) t’other day? Well, the flip side of the footballing coin is the ugly bit of the game. This video features the recent spat between Inter and Valencia, but you’d have to look hard to top the horrendous Schumacher hip-tackle that saw Battiston breaking […]

With FA Cup matches decimating the Premier League fixtures a fortnight ago, a Fantasy Friday last week would have been about as well-received as a bronze statue of Ted Bates that looks like Jimmy Krankie. But we’re back this week with a vengeance. Click below to see the latest league table.

We fricking love bloopers. This compilation is perfect for a lazy Friday afternoon (thanks to Pies reader rozkminiacz for the spot). Watch out for the horny Owls at No.2…

Games

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

March 23rd, 2007

1 Trelleborg, Juventus, Djurgarden, Stade Rennais, Manchester City (current). Whose career?2 Only one nation has appeared in more European Championships than England. Which nation?3 Picture round. Who he? 4 Who is currently club captain of Blackburn Rovers?5 Which English league club (including the Premiership), has the fewest letters in its full name?6 The club crest […]

How did England get themselves into yet another ‘We’ve got a rubbish manager who we don’t want’ scenario? Anyway, no use moaning. Pies would like to suggest these two scenarios: a) We scrape a result against Israel and then end up sneaking into Euro 2008, where we fail to get past the quarter finals because […]

Pies is delighted (look at our Steve McClarenesque grin) to welcome Lee Honeyball, former tipster for the Racing Post, Observer Sport Monthly and Guardian Unlimited, into its fold. Lee will be writing a betting column for Pies every Friday, laying out his top five tips for the weekend. Then, on Monday, we’ll see how he […]

These new TUNiTs are the most advanced footy boots adidas have ever made. They’re fully customisable, depending on which surface you’re playing on, and their dazzling whiteness will make you look a bit like Cristiano Ronaldo, if not play like him. The boot is now completely seamless which allows for a better touch, while the […]

Karate kick, go! Ouch, that’s gotta sting. As far as I can make it, it’s a foul by Anthony Tieku on Leendert van Steensel, committed during a German league match between Koblenz and FC Jena.

‘Tis the season for goalies to get their name on the scoresheet. Like these special chaps… 1 Anonymous dude with a foot like a traction engineThis incredible goal makes me grin like an idiot every time I watch it. Undoubtedly the best ever goal scored by a ‘keeper.

Soccer Fiesta proudly celebrates ‘The Wonderful of Soccer’, which is a beautiful sentiment – whether it’s meant to be the ‘Wonderful World of Soccer’ or simply the ‘Wonder of Soccer’, we’re not sure. Either way, we agree with them that, yes, soccer/football (delete where applicable) is bloody wonderful. Like Pies, Fiesta features news, videos, scurrilous […]

Welcome back to the tranquil haven that is Haiku Corner. Take off your shoes and let us sit a while, to contemplate the more spiritual side of the beautiful game. This week, our Zen-like focus is on Steven Gerrard, the bestest midfielder in the whole wide world ever, who collected his MBE medal on Wednesday. […]

Zinedine Zidane to un-retire himself? [Soccer Fiesta]Dimitar Berbatov to stay at Spurs next season. Yay! [Soccer Fiesta]Luke Young called up to England squad. [Addick's Prem Diary]Rafa Benitez not going to Real Madrid, says his agent. [BBC]Dean Ashton out for rest of season. Like, duh. [F365]Oliver Kahn says sorry to doctor for doping outburst [SI]

This is our favourite story of the week, no question: An 11-foot bronze statue of Southampton legend Ted Bates, erected last week outside St Mary’s stadium will now be taken down after fans branded it a ‘joke’. Saints’ supporters are livid that the statue of Bates, who played for, coached and served on the board […]

A message to Frank Lampard and indeed any player who is physically threatened by a fan invading the pitch: take a leaf out of Keith Richards’ rock ‘n’ roll tome and come out swinging…

Fergie blasted Sky Sports’ reporter Geoff Shreeves after Man Utd’s 1-0 win against Boro in the FA Cup on Monday night. The Man Yoo boss reportedly called poor Geoff a ‘f***ing bastard’ and told him to ‘f**k off’ after the reporter questioned Cristiano Ronaldo over the incident that earned United the match-winning penalty. Upon learning […]

Steve Anthrobus, a former striker who has played for Millwall, Wimbledon and Shrewsbury Town, has been fined for having alfresco sex on a picnic blanket in Brownhills, Staffordshire. At least he had the decency to do it on a blanket, like a proper gentleman. ‘Saucy Striker Steve’, as the tabloids will doubtless dub him, admitted […]

Why waste your money on dull, cliché-ridden, ghost-written autobiographies by the likes of Fat Frank & Stevie G, when you could invest in a proper football book. Like this brilliant lot (in no particular order): Fever Pitch, by Nick HornbyI’m no Arsenal fan, but I still remember the first time I read Hornby’s brilliant and […]

As requested, here’s James Morrison’s cynical hack on Cronaldo, which rightly earned the Boro substitute a straight red card. And watch Ronaldo’s post-match interview below: ‘Of course it was a penalty…’ His English is coming on nicely.

Boro seem to think that Ronaldo dived to win Man Utd’s game-winning penalty, and no doubt Ronaldo-haters will think he went down to easily. Bollocks. It’s not a dive and the ref was right to award a penalty. Woodgate clearly caught him, end of story. I also think there’s an element of truth in Fergie’s […]