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Who ate all the pies

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Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.
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ronaldo%20pro%20evo.JPGCristiano Ronaldo is the face Pro Evo 2008 (due out next month), but we are more interested in his hair than his face. To be fair, that is exactly where your eyes will be drawn when you look at the picture on the game’s box. His perfectly sculpted quiff defies gravity. Whether he fancies David Beckham’s old Brylcreem contract we don’t know, but some serious quantities of hair gel have gone into extending his forehead to that length.

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Who is the best striker in the Premier League at the moment? Well, according to the league’s in-form defender it is none other than Aston Villa rent-a-tree John Carew. Manchester City and England starlet Micah Richards reckons the 6ft 5in Norwegian – worth exactly one Milan Baros – has been his toughest opponent so far this season.

Apologies to the lovely Hope for comparing her to some old reggae film director/musician dude, but you can see the resemblance, right?

The Sun today revealed that ‘Chelsea stars spent a boozy session in a local pub just hours before [Jose] Mourinho left… Captain John Terry, Frank Lampard, Ashley Cole, team staff and groundsmen crammed in to the Old Plough in Cobham, Surrey, near Chelsea’s training ground.’ The paper continues: ‘They spent 4½ hours downing pints of […]

Congratulations to US-based Liverpool fan ecko9er, whose Maui Reds team sits proudly atop the Pies SquadGod fantasy league after Matchday 5. Maui Reds can thank a captain’s performance by Cesc Fabregas for its fine showing, with decent contributions by a couple of Merseysde defenders – Leighton Baines and Alvaro Arbeloa. Fabregas has been the most […]

Thanks to, er, me, for spotting this Shit Lookalike. New Chelski boss Avram and Boss Nass, who appeared in tragically rubbish Star Wars prequel, The Phantom Menace, could be long-lost brothers, no? Incidentally, Boss Nass was voiced by the great Brian Blessed, which is by far the most interesting thing about him. I’ve just noticed […]

gayworldcup.jpgLatin America will host the gay football world cup for the first time in the tournament’s 16-year history when the event kicks off this weekend in Buenos Aires. Twenty-eight teams, many representing cities in Europe, the United States, Australia and Latin America, as opposed to countries, will play in the International Gay and Lesbian Football Association’s (IGLFA) competition…

Games

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

September 21st, 2007

1 From which club did Arsenal sign right-back Bakary Sagna? 2 During his time at Arsenal, Ashley Cole was loaned out to which other London club? 3 Picture round. Who’s in close-up? 4 Before he became directly involved in football, Peter Kenyon was the chief executive of which sportswear firm? 5 LA Galaxy share their […]

89_peterrisdale.jpgEvery time I see or hear ‘Peter Risdale‘, I can’t help but imagine Norman Wisdom saying it. The former Leeds chairman could do with a laugh at the moment as he is fed up with abuse from Cardiff supporters. This is has led him to offer his resignation should the fans want it. Risdale told BBC Wales that he feels he is being driven out by fans who he says want Sam Hammam back in charge of the club….

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Reigning Ligue 1 champions Lyon are well into their stride as they aim to defend their title. A 1-5 thrashing of Metz last weekend put Lyon within a point of leaders Nancy. A 3-0 defeat and poor performance against Barcelona in the Champions League this week exposed the frailties of the Franch league.

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The BBC Sport website’s Mourinho Leaves Chelsea section, which relegated any other stories to Other Football News got me thinking: which other managers would command such domination of the website in the days following their departure? Fergie, probably. Arsene Wenger, maybe. But I doubt even that long-standing and successful duo would receive the same coverage as everyone’s favourite cocky Portuguese.

Everton striker Andy Johnson might not be able to command a regular place in the England team, but his skills might be appreciated in the misfiring England rugby union team judging on his penalty of Chris Waddle proportions last night. Johnson, having already had a penalty saved, sent his spot-kick to row Z against Metalist Kharkiv in the Uefa Cup. The match ended 1-1.

Kevin Keegan King Kev had delivered the most exciting brand of football and nearest glimpses of silverware that Newcastle United fans had known for decades. His surprise resignation in January 1997 sparked scenes bordering on bereavment on Tyneside. Brian Clough Old Big ‘Ead might have worked miracles with Derby and later Nottingham Forest, but having […]

If I have been conspicuous in my absence for the last couple of weeks, it is because I have been on holiday in sunny Spain. But work never really stops for a Pies writer. Not only were there an endless supply of possible Shit Lookalikes (including Diego Maradona the bus driver and Carlos Queiroz the bar man), but flicking through the foreign TV channels – as you do – I spotted this plausible explanation for Ronaldinho’s expanding waistline. WARNING: eating yoghurts while performing those tricks is a recipe for a severe bout of indigestion.

Your eyes do not deceive you – that is indeed the very same Steven Patrick Morrissey who once stuffed his pockets with gladioli and fronted The Smiths. Moz has a big Mexican fanbase and Chivas are primarily supported by fans of a Mexican/Hispanic background, so it could be a shrewd move to shift a few […]

74085765.jpgYou can’t touch referees. Slap them, and they’ll slap you back twice as hard. Gus Poyet has found this out after the FA charged him for comments made towards Andy D’Urso following Leeds United‘s Carling Cup defeat against Portsmouth. The Leeds assistant manager accused the referee of a personal vendetta against himself and the head coach, Dennis Wise, dating back to their playing days after the 3-0 defeat in the second-round tie at Fratton Park in August….

I don’t know how this one slipped under my radar, but Luiz Felipe Scolari has been given a four-match ban by UEFA for ‘improper conduct’ after he seemingly punched (I say seemingly for legal reasons) Serbian defender, Ivica Dragutinovic after the final whistle in Portugal’s 1-1 draw. Big Phil has also been fined 12,120 Euros (£8,479) for his part in the scuffle. Watch it here.

76892365.jpg“Chelsea Football Club and José Mourinho have agreed to part company today (Thursday) by mutual consent” There it is. Chelsea official statement on the departure of their talismanic manager José Mourinho. Get the feeling it took them by surprise as much as it did to us…

This video features AZ Alkmaar boss Louis van Gaal flipping out during a television interview. The end result is the crazed Dutchman doing a little dance by himself before bear-hugging the reporter!

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Juve’s brief return to the top of Serie A is over after their defeat to Udinese, despite having recently appointed God on earth (or something like that), Alex Del Piero, in their ranks. The result had some of the Italian press sniffing a rat, or at least another match-fixing scandal.

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A surprisingly comfortable win for Arsenal against one of Europe’s most dangerous sides. The real Sevilla never really showed up, and they had no answer for the guile of Cesc Fabregas and the power of Emmanuel Adebayor. Fabregas was lucky to open the scoring with a deflected shot, but overall the Spanish team didn’t deserve anything from the game.

1 The Shaddap Your Face song Just a great impression from Gift Grub. Always makes me smile.

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Granted he may have been at that age when his looks would start to go a bit when he took over as Chelsea manager, but Jose Mourino’s one-man crusades against referees, opposition managers and, well, pretty much anyone daft enough to get in his way have certainly accelerated the ageing process.

‘What a shocking end of an era. Who would have thought that the words “mutual consent” would ever cause heartbreak? And the timing couldn’t have been worse… Abramovich wanted fantasy football, but Jose was never going to fit into that mould. Trophies weren’t enough for the big boss.’ Chelsea Pies ‘You win the league twice […]