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Who ate all the pies

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mcclaren%20teeth.JPGAn England B side will face Albania at Burnley’s Turf Moor ground on May 25, the FA has confirmed. The B team was last in action for the pre-World Cup game against Belarus last May. Before that there had been no B matches since 1998.

With a number of clubs now circling around Preston North End and England striker David Nugent like thieves around a Liverpool goalie’s house, it is time for the people who really matter – that’s you lot – to decide where the man with a 100 per cent international strike rate should play his footballl next season. We’ve given you the choice of the main clubs the tabloids are linking him with at the moment, or staying at Deepdale.

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Many thanks to regular Pies reader Cole for this tremendous spot. They could be brothers, albeit brothers where Hercules got all the looks and Dirk got the, er, ability to run around enthusiastically for 90 minutes without actually offering much of a goal threat.

All the passion of a soggy vegetable.

Man Utd

The Daily Snapshot

May 3rd, 2007

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Man Utd winger Cristiano Ronaldo is hounded by Massimo Oddo and Gennaro Gattuso of AC Milan during the Champions League semi final, second leg match between AC Milan and Man Utd at the San Siro last night. Milan nullified Ronaldo’s threat and ran out comfortable 3-0 winners. [Photo: Mike Hewitt/Getty Images]

I think this AZ fans has learned a valuable life lesson – never presume your team will win the league just because they have to beat a crappy team on the last day of the season. If you didn’t read our post on the amazing conclusion to the Dutch Eredivisie, that will illuminate this guy’s stupidity perfectly.

Having had to eat a fair portion of humble pie when Ronaldo played out of his socks for Man Utd against Roma in the Champions League qaurter final, Messrs Dunphy, Brady and Giles lapped up the Portuguese winger’s ‘vain’ performance last night:

74052053.jpgAC Milan
Dida
Did he touch the ball in the first half? Hardly. Looked sound enough when called upon in the second half though. 6
Kakha Kaladze An underrated defender. Tenacious, unruffled, never lost control. 7

Eamon Dunphy, RTE’s most outspoken pundit (that takes some doing), demonstrates once again why he is worth 1,000 Hansens and Shearers. I have to get a t-shirt printed up with ‘Reality is Kaka’ printed on it.

74051816.jpgWell that was a let-down for all Man U fans and fans of English football in general. Milan stormed out of the blocks and never let the visitors settle – fair play to them, they played the perfect match.

The 2007 Champions League final is to be almost a carbon copy of the 2005 final: AC Milan v Liverpool in a eastern Europe capital city. Here is a reminder of what happened last time round (in case you were in a coma at the time or something).

We haven’t had any freestyle tricksters on Pies for a little while, so here is walking T-Mobile advert Mr Woo doing his routine.

JoseReinaPA_175x125.jpgWhile Liverpool keeper Pepe Reina was successfully defending his goal against Chelsea last night there was sadly nobody to guard his house. The Spaniard returned from celebrating his match-winning shoot-out saves at 12.45am to find that his home in Woolton, Liverpool, had been raided.

Milan.JPGThe excellent Toffs is – unsurprisingly – today showcasing their retro Manchester United and AC Milan shirts. This one is a replica of Milan’s shirt from the 1963 European Cup final in which they beat Benfica 2-1 at Wembley. You can click here to buy it for £34.99.

Steve%20Rider.jpgYesterday we brought you the shocking news that Jose Mourinho is ungenerous courtesy of RTE Sport’s Bill O’Herlihy, but did any Pies readers notice that he was also described as generous yesterday.

arseaway08.jpgMost Arsenal fans are not happy with Nike’s away kit for the 2007/08 season (and can’t manufacturers wait until this season is over?). As far as I’m aware, it’s only a third kit anyway (like Spurs’ yummy chocolate and gold kit, which I hated at first but now love) and so they’ll wear it only two or three times in the season.

mascherano.jpgWatching Javier Mascherano put in a man-of-the-match performance in a Liverpool shirt last night was a treat (I love Maschy, mostly because he’s so bloody good in Pro Evolution Soccer) but also made me very angry with English football.

73577019.jpgMan City have finally lost patience with Joey Barton. The club will unload the outspoken, bottom-baring troublemaker because, frankly, he’s more trouble than he’s worth – and right now, purely as a footballing asset, he’s worth quite a lot to City.

When Juve took the lead at Old Trafford, I remember thinking ‘That’s the treble f***ed then…’ But I didn’t reckon on the mental strength of United, typified by Roy Keane, whose performance in the second leg – after he had been booked and knew he’d miss out on the final – was immense and unforgettable. One of the great European ties of the past decade…

MILAN TEAM NEWS No Paolo Maldini for Milan tonight (not such a big loss), but Gennaro Gattuso has recovered from his foot injury and will start. Gattuso’s destructive qualities in midfield are key to Milan’s chances – they struggled without him in the second half at Old Trafford. MAN U TEAM NEWS Both Nemanja Vidic […]

71830659.jpgOne billion dollars, or whatever Jose has had to spend, and he still can’t win the bloody Champions League. And Chelsea surely won’t retain their Premiership title this season. Do you think Roman Abramovich will want to turn up in his bloody great yacht for this month’s F1 Monaco Grand Prix now that he’s the owner of club that can only win silly little domestic cups? No, he’ll be laughed out of the Cote d’Azur and rightly so. Who gives a shit about the Carling Cup in Monte Carlo?

74038634.gifAccording to the Daily Mail, Man U’s boss was the intended victim of a hoax anthrax attack. A letter addressed to Fergie arrived in the post at United’s Carrington training ground yesterday morning. As the manager’s personal assistant opened the letter a cloud of white powder burst out of the envelope. Inside the envelope staff discovered a note which read: ‘Why did you open this letter you silly b*****d? You’ll be dead in 20 minutes.’

74045113.gifDear Uefa, please can you fix it for me so that Liverpool and Chelsea never play each other in Europe ever again? I don’t really want to endure any more ultra-cautious, ultra-defensive, ultra-professional football. It’s no fun.

Chelsea

The Daily Snapshot

May 2nd, 2007

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Daniel Agger is mobbed by team-mates (l to r: Steven Gerrard, Bodo Zenden, Jon Arne Riise, Dirk Kuyt and Peter Crouch) after scoring the opening goal for Liverpool against Chelsea in last night’s Champions League semi final second leg at Anfield. Liverpool went on to win the game on penalties. [Photo: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images]

HRH King Eric of Mancunia has popped up in the commercial for French casino chain Partouche.