• Five conclusions: Austria 0-1 Croatia June 8th, 2008 Top 10s & lists

    Not a good night Vienna, but it could have been worse


    1. It is not a good idea to give away a stupid penalty three minutes into your opening game as hosts of a tournament.
    2. So much for whipping boys. Aside from the first half-hour, the hosts were the better team.
    3. Croatia’s pony-tailed physio looks like he would be better suited to a career as a roadie to Slaven Bilic’s band Rawbau. Maybe he is.

  • Euro 2008 Horror Hair: Ronald Gercaliu, Austria June 8th, 2008 Horror Hair

    Austria didn’t qualify for the 2002 World Cup, which meant Ronald Gercaliu wouldn’t have got his chance to show off his mohican when everyone else was doing it (overlooking the fact that he was still at school in 2002!). So while Becks and co. have moved on, young Ronald wasn’t going to let his time in a major international tournament pass without showing off his own daft hairdo. He has also dyed his longer strip of hair strawberry blond for good measure.

  • Five conclusions: Portugal 2-0 Turkey June 8th, 2008 Top 10s & lists

    He’s a goalkeeper, Jim, but not as we know it


    1. What a well worked goal from the centre-back Pepe. He was a more impressive attacking threat than Nuno Gomes.
    2. Portugal thoroughly deserved their win having hit the woodwork three times. It could have been four or five goals.
    3. David Pleat is obsessed with threesomes. In the first half, he said: “It’s a threesome in midfield.” In the second half: “Turkey converted to a threesome up front.”

  • Five conclusions: Switzerland 0-1 Czech Republic June 7th, 2008 Top 10s & lists

    1. What a damp squib to get the tournament underway. I felt as disinterested as the Swiss crowd until the Czechs broke the deadlock.
    2. Poor old Alexander Frei. He cried his little eyes out (shades of Gazza). The Swiss skipper must know his tournament is over.
    3. You would have expected the Swiss supporters to have been a bit more vocal and a bit more excited about the prospect of opening a major international tournament on homesoil. Then again the players were not much better.

  • Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Tomas Ujfalusi and Captain Jack Sparrow June 7th, 2008 Lookalikes
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    Ahoy there, ye land lubbers. The Czech Republic’s buccaneering defender is a bit of a lookalike for Johnny Depp’s Pirates of the Caribbean character.

  • Euro 2008 team guide: Italy June 6th, 2008 International football

    Can the World Cup holders follow up with a Euro win? ITALY (Group C) Group mates Netherlands (9 June, Bern), Romania (13 June, Zurich), France (17 June, Zurich) Three most valuable players 1) Luca Toni On fire for Bayern this season, and expected to lead the line for Italy at Euro 2008. 2) Gianluigi Buffon […]

  • Polish tabloid publishes picture of Michael Ballack’s severed head June 6th, 2008 Miscellaneous

    Pies’ headline of the day! Leo Beenhakker, the Dutch coach of Poland’s national team, apologised yesterday after a Polish tabloid newspaper, Super Express, published a mocked-up image of him holding the severed heads of Michael Ballack and German coach Joachim Low, along with a headline demanding the slaughter of Germany at Euro 2008: “Leo, give […]

  • Euro 2008: The Fiendish Friday Quiz June 6th, 2008 Games

    Another Euro-themed quiz to get your brains around 1. Career path Trelleborg, Juventus, Djurgarden, Rennes, Man City (current) 2. Multiple choice What are Euro 2008’s two mascots called? a) Zagi & Zigi, b) Flitz & Bitz, c) Trix & Flix, d) Flitz & Flix 3. Picture round Name this Euro 2008 player… 4. Team-mates How […]

  • Euro 2008: Top six rising stars June 6th, 2008 Top 10s & lists

    We profile the young players set to shine in Austria & Switzerland 1. Mario Gomez (Striker, Germany) Just 22, although he looks older, Gomez has been tipped by many as a dark horse to win the Golden Shoe at Euro ’08. He’s tall, quick, powerful and has good feet, plus he knows where the goal […]

  • Euro Classics: Tomas Brolin scores against England, 1992 June 6th, 2008 Skills

    Great goal, son. You’ve earnt that pie Before he became a pie-munching elk-killer Sweden’s Tomas Brolin used to score goals like this free-flowing combination of one-twos. This was the winning goal in Sweden’s 2-1 victory over England in the group stages of Euro 1992. Some would say scoring a goal against an England side managed […]

  • Euro Trash: Mascot hat June 6th, 2008 Kits & fashion

    More useless goods from the House of Platini

  • Euro 2008 team guide: France June 5th, 2008 Miscellaneous

    Without Zidane, can they escape the Group of Death? FRANCE (Group C) Group mates Romania (9 June, Zurich), Netherlands (13 June, Bern), Italy (17 June, Zurich) Three most valuable players 1) Franck Ribery A revelation for Bayern this season, and will be expected to take over from Zinedine Zidane as France’s creator-in-chief. Potentially the star […]

  • Euro 2008: the perfect fantasy football team June 5th, 2008 Top 10s & lists

    If you’re planning to play a Euro 2008 fantasy football game, here’s our tips for a winning XI… We allowed ourselves just two players from each nation, and in a 4-4-2 formation: GOALKEEPER Igor Akinfeev (Russia) Under Guus Hiddink, the Russian are very well-organised, and don’t tend to ship many goals. Plus, they’re in a […]

  • Top 15 sexiest players at Euro 2008 June 5th, 2008 Top 10s & lists

    Following on from yesterday’s Top 15 Ugliest Players, today Pies brings you the Top 15 Sexiest Players, as chosen by a select panel of female fans (and my gay friend Nick). 15. Alessandro del Piero (Italy)

  • Top Six: Euro bust-ups June 5th, 2008 Top 10s & lists

    When peace and harmony deserts European Championship squads

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  • Euro 2008: Xavi scores wonder goal in Spain vs USA friendly June 5th, 2008 Skills

    Spanish midfielder rescues win with lovely solo goal Spain beat USA 1-0 in Santander last night, thanks to this super goal by Barcelona star Xavi. The result saw Spain stretch its unbeaten run to 16 games.

  • Songs of Euro 2008: Allemann, by Elton June 5th, 2008 Miscellaneous

    German fans get their own anthem If you watch this video enough times, the chorus will get stuck in your brain, and not in a good way. I’m sure there’s a sly dig at the English not qualifying in there too, but my German is too rusty to figure out what it is exactly. Hit […]

  • Euro 2008 team guide: Poland June 5th, 2008 Miscellaneous

    The lowdown on the hard-to-pronounce Poles POLAND (Group B) Group mates Germany (8 June, Klagenfurt), Austria (12 June, Vienna), Croatia (16 June, Klagenfurt) Three most valuable players 1) Artur Borac Poland’s No.1 keeper is one of the most underrated in Europe; his back-ups, Tomasz Kuszczak and Lukasz Fabianski, are very good too. 2) Ebi Smolarek […]

  • Euro 2008: Ribery v Toni, France v Italy June 5th, 2008 Videos

    This entertaining video shows Bayern Munich team-mates Franck Ribery and Luca Toni getting a bit patriotic in the run-up to their two countries meeting at Euro 2008. The duo try all sorts of tricks and contravene various Allianz Arena health and safety regulations in their game of one-upmanship.

  • Top 15 ugliest players at Euro 2008 June 4th, 2008 Top 10s & lists

    They may be good at football, but look at the state of them… 15. Jakub Wawrzyniak (Poland)

  • Vote: who will you support at Euro 2008? June 4th, 2008 Miscellaneous

    With no England to back, which team will you cheer in Austria & Switzerland? Which team will you support at Euro 2008 ( polls)

  • Songs for Euro 2008: Can You Hear Me, by Enrique Iglesias June 4th, 2008 Miscellaneous

    Another four minutes of Euro trash Apparently, this is the “Official Song” of Euro 2008. Which means there are two official songs for the tournament: this, and Shaggy’s Like a Superstar, which we posted up yesterday. No idea why. Hit or Miss? It’s catchy in a euphoric, Euro-dance way, but it’s no World In Motion. […]

  • Euro 2008 team guide: Germany June 4th, 2008 Miscellaneous

    Meet the tournament favourites GERMANY (Group B) Group mates Poland (8 June, Klagenfurt), Croatia (12 June, Klagenfurt), Austria (16 June, Vienna) Three most valuable players 1) Michael Ballack An undeniable world-class act, and in fine form for his club in the last couple of months. Having missed the 2006 World Cup final in his homeland, […]

  • Top Six: Euro 2008 kits June 4th, 2008 Kits & fashion

    The greatest gear that Austria and Switzerland has to offer

    holland away.jpg

    1. Holland away
    Holland’s powder blue change strip continues the retro theme that Nike have maintained for the last three years or so. The KNVB is looking good as is the band around the chest.

  • Football videos: Jose Mourinho’s first press conference as Inter manager June 4th, 2008 Videos

    A couple of vids from Jose’s first press conference in the Inter hot seat “I don’t want to be the Special One any longer…” More below…