‘I’m A Boring Old Big Nose Fart With Sh*te Football’ – Mick McCarthy Delivers Tour De Force Press Conference After Ipswich Beat Burton Albion

Chris Wright

31st, October 2017

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We’re a little late on the uptake here so forgive our tardiness, but somehow we managed to miss Mick McCarthy giving one of the finest press conferences of his career after Ipswich’s 2-1 win over Burton Albion at the weekend.

The crux of McCarthy’s griping was Bersant Celina, the 21-year-old winger on loan from Man City, who emerged off the bench to score a last-minute winner for the Tractor Boys.

Ipswich fans have been complaining of late that McCarthy is under-utilising Celina’s flighty pace and skill, instead preferring to place his faith in stout, reliable but largely unremarkable cloggers.

Indeed, by the 84th minute, the travelling fans were chanting in unison for Celina to enter the fray, only to see the youngster promptly go on to seal the comeback victory at the Pirelli Stadium.

Speaking to the East Anglian Daily Times after the match, McCarthy guffawed at suggestions that the chants had influenced his thinking.

What followed thereafter was an absolute tour de force of curt Yorkshire griping, with Big Mick on fabulously gruff form throughout.

I don’t give a shite about [the chanting], by the way. He (Celina) didn’t go on because of that, let me just clear that up.

In fact, there’s more chance of him not going on when they start telling me what to do.

And yes, I am a belligerent f**k. Let’s just clear that up.

Celina recently posted a cryptic tweet that read ‘2 months till new year’, intimating that he is counting down the days until he can return to City.

Mick was impressed, but only at Celina’s ability to count accurately:

It’s factually correct, isn’t it? He’s a f**king brighter lad than I thought!

McCarthy went on to discuss the youngster’s various character traits in more detail:

He has every chance of going on when the game gets stretched. I don’t think it was the game for him when we’re having to head balls out and fight and scrap, but with 10 minutes to play it is, strangely enough.

It’s a wonderful finish. He’s celebrated with the fans, thrown his shirt in with them, they all love him and he’s maybe given the bird to me – but I don’t mind that because that’s what he’s paid for.

He’s the hero, fabulous, but I tell you what there were some more heroes there today who kept a clean sheet up until half-time. They enabled him to do that. Good luck to him.

It was then put to McCarthy that negativity among the Ipswich supporters had “crept back in” in recent weeks, with many fans growing despondent at the agricultural style of football on offer.

It was at this point that the 58-year-old rose to a stunning Barnsley-inflected crescendo:

They crept back in did they? You’re kidding me. I think they more than crept back in.

Listen, unless somebody decides otherwise, you’ve got me, boring old big nose fucking fart with shite football until May.

Unless somebody decides different.

Tedious football aside, what a man.

Fools are simply not to be suffered, gladly or otherwise.