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Who ate all the pies

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“My shoulders are fairly broad. You take this job knowing it’s always going to be an easy ride.”
So said Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore, taking time out from making plans to ruin English football to discuss his plans to ruin English football with Sky Sports.

September 1981 Glenn Hoddle relaxes in his featureless, suburban garden with then-wife Anne (they are now divorced) in London. Gripping feature about reincarnation in Woman magazine, Glenn? Photo Allsport UK /Allsport

PSV Eindhoven opened up a nine-point gap at the top of Eredivisie despite only drawing 1-1 with Heerenveen. The result did mean that Heerenveen moved up to second in the table at the expense of Ajax. Heerenveen are level on 44 points with Ajax, but are ahead by seven on goal difference – precisely the number they put past Vitesse Arnhem last week. Feyenoord and NAC are also on 44 points in what seems to be a neck-and-neck race for second place.

I did toy with the Fat man to be suspended headline, but there you go. Heavyweight Inter Milan striker (are they still admitting to owning him?) Adriano decided to rediscover his form by bringing one of Zinedine Zidane’s most famous moves to the Brazilian league, where he is currently on loan with Sao Paulo. Adextramayo is now facing an extended spell on the sidelines for this shove of his cranium.

A tribute to the men with valium voices… 1. Glenn Roeder I dare you to watch all ten minutes of this video without falling asleep and dribbling on your keyboard… A post-football career as a motivational speaker awaits.

Check out some of the horrific coiffs on Italian journeyman defender Milanese, who played for QPR not so long ago. He prefers a variation on a single theme – and that theme is: ‘my hair is indisputedly shit’. Thanks to Zekky for the heads-up.

Julian Bennett of Nottingham Forest celebrates his goal during the League One match between Leeds United and Forest at Elland Road on 12 February, 2008. The clash of League One’s two biggest clubs ended in a 1-1 draw, after Jermaine Beckford’s late penalty cancelled out Bennett’s header. Forest lie fourth in the table, with Leeds […]

Arsenal are back in the driving seat having opened up a five point gap with 12 games to go but Fergie insists that the title race will go down to the wire.
It’s ‘squeaky bum time’ as the United manager would say – but will United’s experience with title run-ins outweigh Arsenal’s youthful exuberance?

We’ve already seen Cristiano Ronaldo outrun a Bugatti in his new Mercurial Vapor boots but Nike’s latest viral ad features a line up that’s more equally competitive.

stick%20your%2039th%20game.JPGThe gang at Football365 are just as up in arms as us here at Pies about the Premier League’s ridiculous idea to play a 39th round of match abroad. Unlike us, Football365 has access to a sweatshop manned 24/7 by orphan orang-utans trained in the art of slogan t-shirt production. We totally agree with the sentiments of this Stick your 39th game up your bollix t-shirt though.

Comedy duo David Mitchell and Robert Webb are back on the screens this week with That Mitchell and Webb Look. Their sketch mimicking the oversaturation of football in the age of Sky Sports is particularly topical at the moment (sign the petition). As Homer Simpson once said: “It’s funny because it’s true.”

Arsene Wenger doesn’t make too many mistakes in the transfer market – if he’s not moulding tomorrow’s stars from unknowns, he’s letting big names go before anyone else knew they were past their best.

The Bundesliga’s top two went head-to-head as Bayern Munich were held to a 1-1 draw at home to second-placed Werder Bremen. Brazilian star Diego gave Werder the lead after just six minutes. Luca Toni missed a penalty before Ze Roberto equalised for the hosts. The result means Bayern maintain their three-point lead at the top of the table.


The Tuesday Teaser

February 12th, 2008

Three footballers, each one represented by a set of photo clues. Guess who they are (answers after the click). Lateral thinking required… 1. 2. 3.

Another draw for Liverpool at the weekend has destroyed what title hopes they had for another season – and they now face an equally difficult task to retain their Champions League status, especially with local rivals Everton currently riding high in fourth.

We’re forever hearing of new players dubbed, ‘the next Makelele/Ronaldinho etc.’ but few live up to expectations – while even fewer manage to make a name for themselves.

One of the players who really caught my eye at this year’s Africa Cup of Nations was Mohamad Zidan, of Egypt. He scored two fine goals against Cameroon in the group stages, and although he played less of a role in the knockout stages – it’s clear he is seen as something of a luxury […]

78788060.jpgThe sadly predictable news that Steve Sidwell has been omitted from Chelsea’s Champions League 23-man squad made me think about Scotty Parker…
Four seasons ago, Scott Parker was ripping up trees at Charlton Athletic. He had played his way into the senior England squad. Here was a dynamic English midfielder who could tackle, pass and score great goals.

For Arsenal this was always more about the points than the performance. An early goal by Phillippe Senderos and a late goal by Emmanuel Adebayor – who is fast playing himself onto the Player of the Season shortlist – did the damage, but Rovers made them work for it, even if there was only ever […]

There’s no such thing as an overhit pass – only an insufficiently flexible striker! Here is Ian Wright jumping about eight feet in the air and stretching his leg out a little further than that against Blackburn in December 1997.

Pies respects a player who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Inspired by a recent spate of banter around grounds involving several club’s fans claiming their keeper is ‘England’s number one’ and presumably by his omission from Fabio Capello’s first England squad, Robert Green was sporting a pair of customised gloves with the slogan ‘England’s No.6′ at the weekend.

Since Capello showed David Beckham that it will take more than sentimentality to win him a century of caps the place on England’s right side has been put up for grabs – and David Bentley looks ready to accept it with both hands.

Richard Scudamore and his Premier League suits have fat dollar signs in their eyes – that’s why they can’t see that their ‘innovative’ plan to play a 39th Premier League game abroad is ludicrous. Michel Platini, head of Uefa, called it ‘nonsense’ and a ‘joke’, and Pies agrees with him, 100%. If you agree (and […]

Real Madrid stuffed Vallodolid 7-0 to cement their place at the top of La Liga. [Deep breath folks] Braces from Raul and Guti, and a goal apiece for Julio Baptista, Arjen Robben and Royston Drenthe secured the narrow win for Real in a closely fought match… maybe not.

Arsene Wenger is not a sentimental manager. He has never been afraid to drop players when he feels they have served their purpose – even great players like Patrick Vieira, Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry and Robert Pires. Wenger always looks forward, for the good of the team, not the individual. That’s what makes him the […]