After Kath’s not-shit-at-all lookalike last time up, I thought we needed to return to a genuinely shit entry. And here it is. Think you can do better (I’m sure you can). Email Pies with your suggestion

Norwegian giant praised to the heavens “Brede Hangeland, Brede Hangeland, He is Norway’s Bobby Moore (Bobby Moore). He is Norway’s Bobby Moore.” Hangers might not be on the same level as the great Moore, but if he has a few more seasons like this one, he won’t be far off. Fulham fans worship him, clearly.

Dirrrrty boys The list is based on fouls committed, which I concede is a flawed way of deciding which players are dirty. For example, there are no defenders on the list, because a) defenders are expected to make tackles, so referees are more lenient on them, and b) midfielders and forwards are simply not as [...]

Top of the morning to you… West Ham reject Tottenham’s £15m offer for Dean Ashton. Spurs dodged a bullet there [Guardian] The C-Ron saga is finally over, says Fergie. The boy’s staying [BBC] The long-term future of Man City is in doubt after it emerged that owner Thaksin Shinawatra has explored the possibility of selling [...]

Who’s done the best business in the off-season? Here’s who… 10 Brad Friedel (Blackburn to Aston Villa) He’s not far off 40 years old, but Hellboy is still one of the best ‘keepers around. The rest of the list after the jump…

More pics of new boys (check out part one) Click on the image below to launch the gallery…

Thursday’s news balls, inflated to the max Deuce Bigalow (aka Rob Schneider) snapped wearing West Ham shirt. Oh, and drunk [The Offside Rules] C-Ron says his move to Real Madrid is “non-negotiable”. Fergie might have something to say about that [The Spoiler] Tottenham have held talks with Spartak Moscow striker Roman Pavlyuchenko [BBC] Revealed, the [...]

Thursday’s loveliest links WIll Ferrell hearts Chelsea The American funny man was spotted on Jon Stewart’s Daily Show (there to promote new movie Step Brothers) wearing a Chelsea shirt. Go figure. [Unprofessional Foul] Safe soccer Some Cape Town footballers are putting condoms on their feet, so that their socks can stay up longer during matches. [...]

A good win for Roy Hodgson’s new-look Cottagers Click on the image below to launch the gallery…

Another day, another batch of rumours 1. Darren Fletcher & Diego Milito to Everton Man Utd’s Scottish international and Real Zaragoza’s Argentine striker are high on David Moyes’ wanted list. Andy Johnson could be sold to fund the double deal. [Liverpool Daily Post] Pies verdict I doubt Fergie will sell Fletcher, but there’s a good [...]

Fail of the week! As revealed in today’s soaraway Sun, Crystal Palace winger Ashley-Paul Robinson, 19, accidentally posted two messages on Facebook revealing he was having a trial with London rivals Fulham. But rather than restrict the news to his 198 friends, he mistakenly revealed it to… everyone on Facebook. That’ll be almost 3 million [...]

Finding the Lonely Hearts of Euro 2008 the perfect home in the Premier League

Arsenal – Artur Boruc
Poland’s keeper was in top form during the competition and a move to a top four club could be enough to tempt him away from Celtic. The Gunners – with Jens Lehmann on his way out – could be interested.

Pies rates each Premier League team based on the 07/08 campaign Arsenal (3rd) Played some quite beautiful football at times but faded badly in the last quarter of the season, after leading the pack – Arsene Wenger should have added to his squad in January. Still, to finish just two points behind Chelsea and four [...]

For every winner there has to be a loser. And unfortunately, in the Premier League this weekend, there will be one winner and two losers. If you take away Derby, who have been relegated since about October, it is one of the most competitive relegation battles in years. On the last day of the season Birmingham, Reading, Fulham and (if Reading manage to score about nine goals) Bolton can all still be relegated. The question is: who’s going down?

This thunderbolt from Jon Harley was the ex-Chelsea man’s only goal during his stint at Fulham. Not that any Fulham fan would hold that against him. The 40-yard strike secured three points for the Cottagers against Aston Villa. Harley is currently at Championship side Burnley.

Yet another inspired lookalike suggested by Chringle, the undisputed king of shit lookalikes. More shit lookalikes

Here’s Jimmy Bullard, angler extraordinaire, explaining the intricacies of lake fishing (and how not to use a catapult…) on Soccer AM. What a gent.

The clip from Match of the Day 2 shows the Premier League’s naughtiest mascot, Billy the Badger, getting up to mischief. Firstly he taunts Avram Grant in what can only be described as an act of badger baiting. More recently, he delayed the kick-off for the second half of the Fulham-Aston Villa match with his breakdancing antics.

Football is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

What are the chances of that? All three of last night’s FA Cup third-round replays went the distance, to penalties. Bristol Rovers knocked out hapless Fulham, Barnet beat Swindon, and Derby County fans at last had something to cheer, when their team got one over on Sheff Wed. at Hillsborough. Bristol Rovers players celebrate after [...]

The rumours have already started about which players Kevin Keegan will splash Mike Ashley’s millions on. Here are 11 reminders of why Mr Ashley might like to keep an eye on the purse strings.

The January transfer window is open for business, and so football’s rumour mill has gone into overdrive. Will Berbatov stay at Spurs? Has Joey Barton taken a shower yet? So many questions, so few answers. Here are the top 5 transfer window rumours of the day, neatly summarised in one cut-out-and-keep package:
1 Avram Grant wants to splash out £35m to sign both Nicolas Anelka and ‘want-away’ Dimitar Berbatov. Via Daily Star

Fulham have gone backwards under Lawrie Sanchez and the club was absolutely right to sack him today. The Cottagers have won just two league games all season and played pretty shit football along the way. They should never have sacked Chris Coleman in the first place, but hey, that bus left a long time ago.

When he is not busy impersonating TV’s Gok Wan or signing any player with at least one Northern Ireland cap, Fulham boss Lawrie Sanchez loves nothing better than pretend he is onboard the Starship Enterprise.