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Who ate all the pies

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Bolton Wanderers

Jussi Jaaskelainen of Bolton claims a cross during the Barclays Premier League match between West Ham United and Bolton Wanderers at Upton Park on November 4, 2007 in London, England. Photo Ryan Pierse/Getty Images

Listening to The Guardian’s Barry Glendenning talk on the paper’s Football Weekly podcast about about how much his mate hated playing under Gary Megson – Megson reputedly made said player trade in his Porsche for a shitter car – made me think that perhaps I was being a bit harsh on Bolton fans, who didn’t […]

HEROES Rob Green Saved a last-gasp penalty (pictured) to snatch a point for West Ham at Pompey. Surely Green now has to be taken seriously for England’s No.1 shirt instead of Paul Robinson? Cesc Fabregas Showed off the full extent of his freakish maturity and talent with a wonderfully authoritative performance at Anfield. Stevie G […]

Today’s most interesting/ridiculous/made-up in the pub football stories: Spurs have lined up Blackburn boss Mark Hughes to replace Martin Jol, if the struggling North Londoners fail to win at home against Rovers on Sunday. Will it happen? Not a chance. There’s no way Rovers will let Sparky go to Spurs – and I’m confident Hughes […]

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If the Faroe Islands didn’t already have their work cut out for the match against France they do now. Les Bleus seem to have a Hindu goddess in their squad.

Aston Villa 1-0 West Ham
Craig Gardner won the match for Villa, but Dean Ashton is now a doubt for England after picking up a knee injury.
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Newcastle manager Sam Allardyce is eager to be reunited with his former Bolton keeper Jussi Jaaskelainen. Although the Finn is a decent keeper, goalkeeping is one area of the team where the Magpies are already blessed.

Birmingham 0-1 Manchester United
Crissy Ronaldo (© Pies) pounced early in the second-half to give United victory and keep up with Arsenal.
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Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.
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As a Bolton fan, my worst fears about Sammy Lee are coming true. Pre-season saw me, as usual, worried about relegation (mixed with wild optimism). It would seem that I’m not alone in my pain as Bolton Wanderers languish at the foot of the Premier League without a decent performance to their name.

76771455.jpgPoor old Martin Jol. A defeat to Arsenal sees his job (allegedly) dangling by a spindly thread. A poor start to the season and a battered Spurs cheque book has seen the big Dutchman coming under severe scrutiny from certain quarters. Even though there is no better option for Tottenham at the moment and Jol clearly doesn’t deserve the boot, it looks like his days could be numbered… and I love it

French fast-food chain Quick has launched its Anelka burger in honour of Bolton’s sulky striker Nicolas. The burger comes with a hint of pepper, apparently. If it is anything like its patron, you would imagine the burger fills a gap at first but leaves you with a sour taste in your mouth and a lot of bellyache.
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Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.
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But, the pick of the bunch so far has to be Obafemi Martin’s overhead kick for Newcastle against Bolton last Saturday. The Nigerian pocket rocket chested up a James Milner cross before unleashing a spectacular bicycle kick from close range – and judging from Geremi’s face in this picture, even his team mates were astonished.

Portsmouth 1-1 Manchester United
Cristiano Ronaldo grimaces after being shown a red card for violent conduct.
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The big kick-off is nigh and we don’t have a thing to wear. Well, we do now. This is part one of a bumper Kit Parade Special from Pies.
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Arsenalhomekit.JPGThis looks a little familiar… wait a cotton picking minute! Yes, Arsenal have retained last season’s home kit for a further season. It makes my job a bit harder because you have all seen it before, but I’d be delighted if I was a Gooner. Comiserations to the parents of young Arsenal fans who will have to think a bit harder about birthday presents this year! Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

BWFCbadge.gifAnother chance to hear some footy fan spouting off about their side! It’s time to look at a fan’s eye view of the forthcoming Prem season, and this time, we’re stopping at the door of Bolton Wanderers.
Introduce yourself to Pies readers then…
Peter

Cult Hero: Mixu Paatelainen

July 19th, 2007

Mixu.JPGThe first Finn to play in the Premier League? Jari Litmanen. Nope. Sami Hyppi. Nein. It was in fact journeyman Mixu Paatelainen. The striker played for 10 clubs before his retirement in 2005, but it was at Dundee, Aberdeen, Hibs and Bolton that he really made himself at home. With a name like his, Paatelainen was always likely to be decent Cult Hero material. Indeed, he has the unusual honour of being framed for a prank phone call in Bolton-born Peter Kay’s sitcom Phoenix Nights.

According to Match of the Day anyway. And here it is: Jussi Jaaskelainen Save of the SeasonUploaded by amarchauhan

72940001.jpgBookmakers Ladbrokes have suspended all betting on Sam Allardyce’s appointment as the new Newcastle boss. The bookies don’t get it wrong very often and so it seems like a done deal. Most Newcastle fans seem pretty happy with Big Sam’s imminent appointment, although I have heard some complain that he’s too defensive to please the Toon Army. Bollocks, I say. Sam did a very impressive job at Bolton – people unfairly criticised him for playing negative, long-ball football but which manager extended the careers of entertainers like Jay-Jay Okocha and Youri Djorkaeff?

73488478.jpgI could hardly bring myself to post on Glenn Roeder’s demise because just thinking about the charisma-free Roeder makes me fall asleep and dribble on my keyboard – and dribble + keyboard = f**ked-up keyboard.

73488526.jpgFrom Big Sam to Little Sam in one complicated move…

The Daily Snapshot

April 30th, 2007

Arsenal Ladies’ Irish contingent, Ciara Grant, Emma Byrne and Yvonne Tracy (l to r), celebrate after the Gunners defeated Swedish champions Umea IK over two legs to win the Women’s UEFA Cup Final. The second leg was held at Meadow Park, home to Borehamwood FC. The match finished 0-0; Arsenal had won the first leg 1-0. [Photo: Ian Walton/Getty Images]

One of the funniest things I’ve seen all season. Everton’s defence goes one way, all except poor Joleon Lescott, who forgot he was supposed to be playing the offside trap. Even Phil Neville found it hard not to laugh about it when he was interviewed after the match.