Steve Coppell won’t confirm the identity of Sidwell’s new club yet, but it seems almost certain that the 24-year-old ginge has signed for Chelsea. Is he good enough to make it at the Bridge, or are we looking at Scott Parker Mk II, ie. a talented young English midfielder who will lose his way at a big club? You do have to wonder about the intelligence of a footballer who has his wedding vows tattooed on his back in massive letters.
A thousand thank-yous to Pies reader Scott, who emailed us this splendid shit lookalike – in case you don’t know, Robert Ri’chard (nice apostrophe placement Robert) is a 24-year-old American actor, who has appeared in lots of TV shows (CSI: Miami, Veronica Mars etc.) and the odd shit movie (House of Wax and Coach Carter to name just two). Patrice Evra has never appeared in any episodes of CSI, as far as we know.
Plymouth manager Ian Holloway has branded his latest transfer deal an ‘absolute snippetydoing’. Ollie has splashed out Â£400,000 making Hungarian winger Peter Halmosi’s loan stint at Home Park a permanent move. He said: “Considering the rest of the league are paying all sorts of money for all sorts of people, I would have thought Â£400,000 would be an absolute snippetydoing.”
German sex toy company Beate Uhse has been ordered to pay â‚¬50,000 in damages to Michael Ballack and Oliver Kahn after selling vibrators named after them during last year’s World Cup in Germany.
The company sold World Cup special edition vibrators called ‘Michael B’ and ‘Olli K’ in three shops.
Robbie Fowler applauds the Anfield crowd after making his final appearance for the club, for Liverpool against Charlton (the game ended 2-2). The man known on the Kop as ‘God’ didn’t score but that didn’t stop fans giving him a standing ovation when he was substituted.
Just before Sam Allardyce makes him a Newcastle player, mouthy Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton has been Blue Moon-lighting in the Eurovision Song Contest.
This hilarious (until you know the outcome at least) video features a dog tackling Brentford keeper Chic Brodie. The footage comes from a match against Colchester in 1970. The black-and-white terrier seizes on Peter Gelson’s backpass and launches itself at Brodie, shattering his knee cap and ending his career in the process.
The season is over (bar the FA Cup final, playoffs and Champions League final) but we’d like to reassure all readers that Pies will continue to post scurrilous transfer rumours, mildly amusing YouTube videos, shit lookalikes, hot WAG news and much much more throughout the summer – we’re not going anywhere, and we hope you don’t either. I’d like to offer a massive thanks to all our readers, who have helped Pies’ increasing success. We couldn’t have done it without you, so give yourselves a big pat on the back. Next season we may even challenge for Europeâ€¦
With the official presentation of the Premiership trophy taking place after the final whistle, this result left everyone inside Old Trafford happy. Man Utd didn’t play their strongest team, but they still dominated large parts of the match and should have at least managed a draw. West Ham’s goal led a charmed life though and in the final 20 minutes they looked quite comfortable, safe in the knowledge that Man U needed to score twice to threaten their Prem status. People slag off Lucas Neill as a mercenary, but I thought he was inspirational at the back. Nigel Reo-Coker also had a great game, with sterling support from Yossi Benayoun and Mark Noble in midfield.
No more glamour trips to Reading and Middlesbrough for the Blades next season, but at least you still have the love of Sean Bean, international superstar & hearthrob.
It’s a sad day for Yorkshire in general – how is it that the biggest county in England has no representation in football’s top flight?
Sheffield Utd manager Neil Warnock looks on in dismay as Wigan boss Paul Jewell celebrates the 2-1 win at Bramall Lane that kept his team in the Premiership. Warnock’s Blades were relegated, along with Watford and Charlton Athletic.
[Photo: Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images]
You could waste half your life on YouTube looking for football-related clips. Luckily, Pies is here to do it for you. Think once, think twice, think bike (ouch, that’s gotta hurt)â€¦
Keep your eyes on the road Freddy.
Continuing on a Harry Enfield/Paul Whitehouse tip, here’s the funniest sketch Enfield ever did. Still makes me chuckle out loudâ€¦
Before Jose Arrogantio, there was Julio Geordioâ€¦
Oh, forget the Premier League! It’s over and done with. The Pies Fantasy League is where it’s at! As we head into the last round of fixtures. Tommy is playing the part of Man Utd and seems to have the league wrapped up, but Matt M is doing a better job than Chelsea in keeping it going to the wire.
Click here to see the latest league table.
Sir Bobby Charlton pulls back the drapes on the new statue of Sir Bobby Moore, situated outside the new Wembley Stadium. Outgoing PM Tony Blair was also in attendance. To see more pics from the statue’s unveiling, click belowâ€¦
[Photo: Getty Images]
Birmingham City’s squidgy-nosed boss Steve Bruce has pulled off a bit of a coup by snapping up Arsenal loanee Fabrice Muamba on a permanent basis. The 19-year-old has been one of the stars of the Blues promotion season. Arsene Wenger had previously indicated that Muamba would not be allowed to leave the Emirates permanently.
So Lionel Messi’s wonder goal counted for nothing! Last night Getafe staged a remarkable comeback in the second leg of the Spanish Cup semi final to win 4-0 (6-5 on aggregate). Two goals from Daniel Guiza (pictured) and one each from Javi Casquero and Angel Vivar Dorado sealed an astonishing comeback for Getafe, who now face treble-hunting Sevilla in the final on 23 June. [Photo: Getty Images]