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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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For a free £10 bet click here Cardiff are middle of the road, mid table, won 16, drawn 16, lost 14, even their FA Cup anthem Flying High entered the charts at 15. Curiously their last five games have all been won by three goals, twice for them and twice they lost and a draw […]

Today’s hotter-than-July lies… 1. Mauro Zarate to Arsenal The on-loan Birmingham star (pictured) is on the wish list of one big-four club, at least according to his agent. I guess it’s Arsenal who want him, as an Eduardo replacement. [Setanta] 2. Jonny Evans to Sunderland Roy Keane is reported to have bid £5m for United’s […]

Soccerball’s poster boy is the master of homoerotica Wooly hat and underpants, a classic look.

After the end of thrilling, spilling Prem season, Pies dishes out its gongs Player of the season: Cristiano Ronaldo Right now, C-Ron is the Premier League. He may be half hype boy, half genius, but you can’t deny that the Portuguese Mr Vain is the most fascinating player to grace the English top flight since […]

Me me me me me, says Reading striker One’s a relegated ginger striker; the other is a Muppet. So that makes them both Muppets, I guess. (Thanks to Chringle for the suggestion.) Seen any good Shit Lookalikes recently? Send us an email or leave a comment with your shout.

First in a new series celebrating the Premier League’s biggest ingrates Hardly anyone had heard of Alex Hleb before he came to Arsenal, in 2005 – he was a nothing player, playing in Germany for a mediocre club (Stuttgart). He was pretty shit in his first season, not a lot better in his second, and […]

Vote on which one is most likely to happen… 1. Peter Crouch to Villareal Will Crouchinho (pictured) be playing in all-yellow next season? Perhaps, if Villareal can find £15m for the English beanpole. [KopTV] 2. David Bentley to Spurs Juande Ramos is keen on bringing Blackburn’s English star to White Hart Lane, for £15m [The […]

C-Ron loves a man with a baby face Take two Man Utd stars into the shower? Ole and C-Ron look like a couple of the fresh-faced guys you might see in a Gay Chat phoneline advert. The hand on the knee makes it all the sweeter.

The Blues’ French star is way more generous than us In a rare display of generosity, Birmingham City midfielder Olivier Kapo gifted his £30,000 Mercedes to his teenage boot boy. James McPike (pictured), a 17-year-old trainee on City’s books, was reportedly stunned when Kapo tossed him the keys – boot boys can usually expect little […]

Our favourite Prem lookalikes from the last season Dirk Kuyt and Rocky from Mask Petr Cech and Captain Yamato Cristiano Ronaldo and Astro Boy

Today’s tastiest Premier League morsels • Didier Drogba says he and Chelsea team-mate John Terry will be fit for the Champions League final against Manchester United in Moscow. Both were injured in Sunday’s 1-1 draw with Bolton, with Drogba hurting his knee and Terry dislocating his elbow. [BBC] • Blackburn star David Bentley is convinced […]

God at the peak of his powers As first touches go, they don’t come much better than Fowler’s backheel nutmeg, which leaves Steve Staunton looking even more clueless than he did in his time as manager of Ireland. The finish was sweet too. When Fowler was in this form, no other English striker could touch […]

Here’s what the Hammers will wear on their travels next season. We like, a lot You can’t beat a bit of claret and blue – it’s a classic English football colour combo, used to great effect by Umbro for their latest West Ham away shirt. We think it’s a very smart kit, simple and tasteful. […]

Chelsea splash out £16.2m on a right back. But who is he? We tell you everything you need to know Name Jose Bosingwa Age 25 Nationality Portuguese Club history SC Freamunde, Boavista, Porto, Chelsea (current) Position Right back. He used to play in the holding midfielder role, until he was transformed into a defender at […]

Fergie wins LMA Manager of the Year award Man Utd’s boss has been voted Manager of the Year by the League Manager’s Association, a justified reward for his team winning their 10th Premier League title. But did he do a better job than all of the other 19 managers? Who would have got your shout? […]

Like some wise old schoolmaster, Pies grades each Premier League team based on their 07/08 campaign. Here’s part two: Man City (9th) Started brilliantly, finished with a whimper. Overall though, Sven-Goran Eriksson did a good job of restoring pride to the sky-blue half of Manchester. A couple of his signings were notable successes – Elano […]

“Sometimes on a day off I go to the doughnut shop. When we play at home, I go there after the game and it’s like a doughnut party! Everyone is eating doughnuts inside their cars – it’s like a disco!” Arsenal’s Cesc Fabregas reveals just how scientific a modern player’s diet can be. “Had I […]

Pies rates each Premier League team based on the 07/08 campaign Arsenal (3rd) Played some quite beautiful football at times but faded badly in the last quarter of the season, after leading the pack – Arsene Wenger should have added to his squad in January. Still, to finish just two points behind Chelsea and four […]

Congrats to Man Utd for winning their 10th Premier League title – they are deserved champions, for sure. But which of their players did the most to contribute to their success this season? Cristiano Ronaldo scores the goals and gets the headlines, but did he do the most to drive United to the championship? Vote […]

Happel Stadium, Vienna: Almost 2,000 people took of their clothes to pose for US photographer Spencer Tunick, who’s famous for contriving such acts of mass public nudity. My favourite model is the tubby old guy on the right, who seems to be using the shoot as a cunning way of staring at boobs.

Bundesliga ‘keeper takes one to the face Borussia Dortmund’s Alex Frei hits the bar with a free-kick; Fernandez does the rest. Via FANartisch

Sky dubs fake commentary to pump up C-Ron’s profile According to the people behind this YouTube clip, Sky used commentary from goals scored by Didier Drogba (vs Everton), Wayne Rooney (vs Newcastle), and Thierry Henry (vs Manchester United) to make C-Ron seem even more amazing than he already is. Sky Sports in “over-the-top, contrived hype […]

Because relegation can be fun Admit it – there is something enjoyable in seeing other team’s fans crying like little girls because their team went down. Here’s a young Reading fan blubbing into his River Island shirt, like he’s just sat through E.T. The sap.

Free £10 bet at Betclick Bet on Leeds to win – 3-0 pays out £110 for a tenner. Click here. Pies has teamed up with BetClick.com to offer you a free bet – that’s right, open an account and your first £10 bet is on them – you win you keep all the money, you […]