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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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Kilmarnock goalkeeper Alan Combe managed this superb assist for Aberdeen at the weekend. He propelled his throw into the head of Aberdeen’s Darren Mackie, and could only stand and watch as the ball bounced back into the net. Mackie was only too happy to claim his goal! [Via The Offside]

Former France and Manchester United goalkeeper Fabien Barthez has quit Nantes after being attacked by a fan while driving away from the ground at the weekend. Barthez’s car was kicked as he left the stadium following a 0-2 defeat to Rennes.

73488526.jpgFrom Big Sam to Little Sam in one complicated move…

73940807.jpgHere’s how Pies sees the Premiership relegation battle panning out. Charlton fans, look away now…

73799287.jpgWe don’t cover Dutch football very often, but the climax to this season’s Eredivisie title race was so remarkable that we’d be remiss not to mention it. AZ Alkmaar, Ajax and PSV entered Sunday level on 72 points each at the top of the table. AZ had a superior goal difference and needed just three points against the not-very-good Excelsior to walk away as champions. However, AZ choked, losing 3-2 and getting a man sent off in the process.

1 Dimitar Berbatov, Middlesbrough v Spurs
As Alan Hansen would say, that is fantastic technique. If Dimi carries on like this, Spurs will really struggle to keep him in the summer. Chelsea and Man Utd will surely be keen to track down his agent’s mobile number.

Apologies for crappy video quality, btw.

Arsenal Ladies’ Irish contingent, Ciara Grant, Emma Byrne and Yvonne Tracy (l to r), celebrate after the Gunners defeated Swedish champions Umea IK over two legs to win the Women’s UEFA Cup Final. The second leg was held at Meadow Park, home to Borehamwood FC. The match finished 0-0; Arsenal had won the first leg 1-0. [Photo: Ian Walton/Getty Images]

This video shows nicely how the Championship relegation spots were sorted out… If you’re an Ipswich fan, get yourself to Hull now to collect your free round of drinks.

74016168.jpgCome on, admit it – you wanted Leeds to go down all along, and the fact that Dennis Wise is involved is a heart-warming bonus. Because who really loves Leeds United outside of Leeds?

Props to Pies reader Patrick for spotting that Roy Keane-plus-beard is a modern-day King Leonidas (leader of the frankly suicidal Spartans). I can imagine Roy’s half-time team talks in a totally different light now: ‘Mackems! Tonight we dine in hell!’

73376001.jpgJose Mourinho’s Chelsea still have three big trophies to play for this season but I already have half an eye on next season, when Jose will come up against Roy Keane.

20060726_peter_kay.jpgSweet baby Jesus of Nazareth! Accrington Stanley secured League Two status with a thrilling 3-2 win against Paul Ince’s Macclesfield (who are in danger themselves of dropping out of the league) at the weekend. Most English football fans have a soft spot for Accrington, a traditional club whose name reeks of muddied nostalgia and half-time pies. I like them even more now that I’ve discovered their chairman is a real-life Brian Potter (without the wheelchair though)…

Keane.JPGSunderland and Birmingham have secured Premiership football for next season after clinching the automatic promotion places in the Championship. Both sides have returned to top-flight football at the first time of asking after being relegated last season. But what is the reason for Sunderland’s success after a disastrous start to the season?

The FA is to launch an investigation into the disgraceful scenes at the end of Leeds United’s match at home to Ipswich on Saturday. A late equaliser for the Tractor Boys left Leeds all but mathematically relegated sparking a pitch invasion involving several hundred fans.

A tattooed Karlsruhe fan sits on the fence during this weekend’s Bundesliga 2 match between Karlsruher SC and Spvgg Unterhaching. [Photo: Getty Images]

fanbanta_logo2.gifWe love our football here. You know that. We can’t get enough of it. If there’s a new place we can visit to feed our desperation for all things football-shaped, we’ll go there. Well, we’ve come across something that might interest you…

Picture%201.pngPies has teamed up with the excellent folk at to create a competition that will bring out the Tony Hart in all of you.

73355864.jpgMiddlesbrough chief executive Keith Lamb has implored Gareth Southgate to toughen up, saying that the young Boro boss will only improve ‘when he gets rid of the naivety, the honesty and integrity and he becomes as shitty as all the rest’.

Sunderland’s Carlos Edwards is fouled by Burnley goalkeeper Brian Jensen during last night’s Championship match at The Stadium of Light. The resulting penalty was scored by David Connolly. Sunderland won 3-2 to go top of the league, two points ahead of Birmingham; if Roy Keane’s team defeats Luton next weekend, they will be promoted to the Premiership. [Photo: Christopher Lee/Getty Images]

Watford.jpgThis week the Premier League bid farewell to plucky Watford. The Pies Fantasy League has been saying a long goodbye to Abney Park Rangers since before Christmas! Meanwhile, it’s hotting up at the top of the table. Tommy’s Where Was Dean Ashton? remain favourites but there are five teams in with a shout.

Good wins for CD Chivas, Chicago Fire, FC Dallas and in-form Red Bull New York, who are unbeaten after four games. [Via Climbing the Ladder]

club45large.jpgFootball – it’s just not cricket and thank God for that.

73489263.jpgJose Antonio Reyes, currently on loan from Arsenal to Real Madrid, recently said he ‘wouldn’t like to go back to London’. Reyes started quite strongly at Madrid, but he’s gone rapidly downhill since his first few matches (sound familiar?) and is now out of favour with coach Fabio Capello.

73517113.jpgThierry Henry says he’ll stay at Arsenal if Arsene Wenger stays too. Good to see a bit of loyalty in football these days. [BBC]

GIANT_CRAB.jpgIan Holloway is on top form in his BBC column this week, reminiscing about the time he played with the late, great Alan Ball and slagging off the poker-playing skills of his Plymouth Argyle players. However, it was when Ollie started rambling about how human beings are losing the art if conversation, that he came up with this pearl of a quote: