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Who ate all the pies

Dip in to scour the latest Deadline Day titbits...

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In his latest BBC column, Ian Holloway has revealed that he blames golf for causing a hernia. Ollie has avoided golf since picking up the injury. He recalls complaining about the effects of his golfing exploits to his surgeon, Mr Gilmore (because when you are Ian Holloway, even your surgeon in a golf anecdote has […]

Rio Ferdinand found out the definition of the word karma on Saturday. A week after booting the ball into the face of a female fan, and this happens. Rio, son, you got merked! [Rob Parker]

Good weekend Chelsea Cut Manchester United’s lead to three points by beating Spurs as United slipped up at Portsmouth. Robert Green The West Ham keeper almost single-handedly secured victory over Arsenal. Dagenham & Redbridge The Daggers secured promotion to the Football League with a win at Aldershot. Bad weekend Paul Jewell The Wigan boss is […]

Spotted in TK Maxx for the princely sum of £3, it’s the Kevin Kuranyi Kick-o-mania toy! Yes, found propped up in the furniture department it’s the perfect Easter present for the English-based Stuttgart fan in your life! Kick-o-mania seems to be a German game somewhere between Subbuteo and Action Man. Anyone come across these before? […]

Ouch! At least Harald Schumacher sort of tried to make it look like he was jumping for the ball. This guy is about as subtle as six studs to the face. [Rob Parker]

Due to some perculiar twist of fate, the top scorers in this week’s Fantasy Football were from further down the Pies league table than I generally care to venture. There’s conspiracy afoot! Whether this is because someone on high has decided the relegation scrappers deserve a break, I don’t know. Perhaps the tables (or at […]

Fitting on this Easter weekend that we post a classic moment by Pele, the Jesus Christ of footballers. Shame he didn’t stick the ball in the net though…

So fiendish it will literally make you want to do a poo. Fact. (Answers after the click) 1 Chelsea, Leeds Utd, Stoke City, Reading (current). Whose career path? 2 Who was Reading manager before Steve Coppell (not counting caretaker boss Kevin Dillon)? 3 Picture round. Who can’t hear you? 4 Which Italian club was founded […]

Pies has teamed up with our friends at Goalhanger.com to offer a prize to the winner of this week’s Pies v Lawro Predictathon. Goalhanger has a great range of footy-based t-shirts, including the mighty Unfair Play tee, which we featured yesterday. If you win, you can take your pick from their fine range; Lawro himself […]

A little something to swell your bank balance this Easter weekend… EVERTON TO BEAT FULHAM 1-0 (6-1) David Moyes’s men can make it a Good Friday for us all by beating Fulham by their favourite scoreline (10 times in last two seasons) tonight. Everton never score many but have beaten the Cottagers the last five […]

This tie hangs in the balance after an entertaining 90 minutes. Spurs raced into the lead after 68 seconds – Robbie Keane making the most of Dimitar Berbatov’s neat through ball – but Sevilla equalised via a dubious penalty: Paul Robinson felled Adriano in the box, but the Spurs keeper did get a lot of […]

Samuel Eto’o has given the first signal that he might be keen on a move to Liverpool. It is only a few days since we were looking at possible targets for Rafa Benitez and his £40 million warchest (© The Red Tops), and now it seems that Barcelona striker Eto’o might not mind Liverpool’s advances […]

Here is the Seville shirt, sort of. This is the Seville shirt minus the sponsor’s logo of 888.com, just the way Fredi Kanoute intended it. So just to clarify, when Seville take to the pitch against Spurs tonight they will be wearing this shirt complete with artistic brushstrokes and 888.com sponsorship. You can click here […]

Ginger prince bends like Bamboo in the summer wind. Can’t tackle for shit.

In football, as in life, unfair play is much more entertaining than fair play. The Devil has all the best tunes, and the best footballers too. To celebrate this fact, Pies strongly recommends that you invest in this brilliant Unfair Play tee. Three cheers for diving, simulating, waving imaginary cards in the ref’s face, over-the-top […]

FulhamUSA, the website for Fulham’s supporters’ club in the States, is a great read, even if you’re not a) a Fulham fan, b) American, or c) both. I discovered it after clicking on a link to an entertaining interview with Eric Wynalda, a former striker for the Americn national team (he’s the all-time leading scorer, […]

Man Utd have a job on to progress to the semi finals. They got the crucial away goal that Fergie demanded, so even though they lost I’d say they have a marginally better chance than Chelsea of making the last four. A 1-0 win at Old Trafford will be enough. After Paul Scholes was sent […]

Pick that out! Great strike by David Silva, followed by a typical ‘hoof it up to Drogba’ reply by the English champions. Valencia now have the edge in the tie; Chelsea are far from out of it, although they do need to score in Spain. Afterwards, Jose Mourinho said that “normally the team that plays […]

Stefano Napoleoni obviously has a little way to go before his dribbling skills are quite up to Cristiano Ronaldo’s standard. The 20-year-old Italian – who plays in Poland for Widzew Łódź – gets his feet in a bit of a tangle before tripping over here. Bad karma for that offensive ponytail? [Rob Parker]

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has announced that he has already made plans to take his children to watch WWE wrestling if his side fail to make it to the Champions League semi-finals. The Special One – adopting his usual calmness in the wake of last night’s 1-1 home draw with Valencia – claimed he would […]

When trouble kicks off at an English side’s European away match, the one thing you can always be sure of is that an army of baton-wielding uniformed thugs looking like Star Wars Stormtroopers’ navy blue cousins will be around to crack a few heads open. Look how effectively this prostrate Manchester United fan is subdued […]

Back in 1999 Manchester United were facing Italian opposition in the quarter-finals of the Champions League on their way to the Treble. Now it is Roma, then it was Juventus. Here is the first leg from Old Trafford. [Rob Parker]

Remember Graham Rooney, star of the TJ Hughes commercial and Wayne’s little brother? Well, if making a few bob by being a cheaper-to-hire version of Wayne seemed cheeky, Graham is now parading around with his very own Coleen. Carly Gardiner, Coleen’s cousin, is the other half of this (even more) downmarket match-up. Watch this space […]

So Dirk Kuyt (pictured, left) reportedly got himself booked deliberately during last night’s Champions League walkover, by failing to retreat for a free-kick. This means the Dutch striker will now serve a one-game suspension in the second leg of the virtually-dead Liverpool v PSV rubber and thus be free to play in the CL semis. […]