Zaki turns down Portsmouth move for racist reasons

Cilla, get your hat out

Latest whisper on Transfer Street says that Niko Kranjcar has passed a medical at Spurs

Crouchinho, an artist’s impression… @ Fulham: @ Sunderland: @ Spurs: (Yes, my PhotoShop skills are strong today.) I’ve read reports that Sunderland have agreed a £12m fee with Pompey for Crouchy. I’ve also heard that the player himself would rather go to Fulham or Spurs, but that Fulham might not be able to match his [...]

G-Jo (that doesn’t really work, does it?) swaps Pompey blue for Liverpool red. Photos taken today at Melwood. Click on image below to launch gallery. (Nice legs, Rafa. I just threw up in my own mouth.) [Photos: PA]

You know how hard it is to PhotoShop Crouchy’s head onto stuff? Harder than you’d think – he has a strange-shaped head (and a strange-shaped body, for that matter) This can’t be right. Owen to Man Yoo and now a rumour saying Crouchinho is a target for Milan. Has planet football gone bat-shit crazy overnight? [...]

A very enjoyable interview with Crouchinho, in which he reveals all sorts of stuff, including a passion for steak, Kerry Dixon and Kings of Leon. He also lifts the lid on his favourite swear word. Pies’ favourite English footballer? Crouchy, no doubt. [@ Channelbee]

A man with no idea how to use Photoshop (me) offers his impression of how Johnson would look in a Liverpool shirt By all accounts, Portsmouth have accepted an £18m bid from Liverpool for Glen Johnson. Hmm, funny that Rafa Benitez is suddenly willing to spend so much on Johnson when he enquired about the [...]

This one requires a leap of the imagination… Thanks to Sam Waller for the first Shit Lookalikes suggestion of the new Pies era. Great stuff Sam, though I think Hart looks more like Danny De Vito’s Penguin from Batman Returns. Got a better Shit Lookalike? Email me and if I like it, I’ll post it [...]

The Palm Tree Afro

Chelsea’s Brazilian star goes over the top Online Videos by Veoh.com Seventy seconds into this clip, Deco makes his first ever tackle in the Premier League. It was the sort of reckless “over-the-top” challenge that earned several players a straight red card last season – but the Brazilian didn’t even see yellow! I don’t think [...]

David James further secured his place in Horror Hair history by starting the new season with terrible chunky cornrows.

Watch Pompey choke at Wembley… Dire penalties by Lassana Diarra and Glen Johnson. Seriously, would you trust Glen Johnson in a penalty shoot-out? Bonus vid Watch Tottenham’s 5-0 demolition of AS Roma below…

United toothless up front but still claim first silverware of season Man Yoo owned Pompey for most of the game, but their lack of finishing power meant the game went all the way to pens. At which time Pompey totally gift-wrapped the trophy and handed it to the Prem champions – ‘Arry’s team could only [...]