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Who ate all the pies

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Man Utd

Manchester United: All the latest Manchester United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

Last night’s game reviewed in handy list format 1. What sound does a one-armed man clapping make? Or the sound of a massive anticlimax? I imagine it’s similar to the noise inside the Emirates after 11 minutes, when the game was effectively killed off by C-Ron’s 40-yard free-kick (great strike but Manuel Almunia should have […]

Gooners, look away now My 10 conclusions on the match coming soon…

Dear Jim,
Please can you fix it for me so that Manchester United play Barcelona in this year’s Champions League final.

Arsene Wenger is sad

May 6th, 2009

Twenty-five minutes into last night’s Champions League semi final, Arsenal’s manager faces the harsh reality that his team is not yet good enough to compete at the highest level.

Alex Ferguson knows better than most that Cristiano Ronaldo may move to Real Madrid this summer. Fergie’s first choice to replace C-Ron is Lionel Messi, but there’s zero chance that Messi will swap Barcelona for Manchester.

What does Arsenal’s gaffer know that no one else does?

Snapped as Everton beat Man Utd on penalties in last month’s FA Cup semi final.

“Lots of people tell me that I look like him. He has actually influenced my choice of hairstyle and I have even studied the way he smokes so I can hold my cigarette in the same way.”

Man Utd play Boro this lunchtime, but it won’t be a full-strength United who run out at the Riverside. Alex Ferguson has said he will rotate his squad, so one of Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney will be absent from the starting XI, possibly both. Kiko Macheda might start in Ronaldo’s place, for example.

He’s a baby, baby BABY! A couple of days late on this, I know, but then we’ve only went live on Friday. Cut me some slack here. Oh, and enjoy your bank holiday weekend.

If you didn’t know, the source material is Fergie’s disbelief that Mike Riley didn’t award a penalty to Man Utd when Danny Welbeck was tripped by Everton defender Phil Jagielka in the FA Cup semi final.

Fergie finds something new to make his face go red Man Utd’s manager wants new rules designed to increase the broom cupboard-like dimensions of some Premier League dressing rooms. The Scot thinks that some Prem clubs’ away dressing rooms are too small to contain his mighty entourage: a proud collection of pampered egos and forelock-tugging […]

The high-rollers meet in Monte Carlo for draw

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1. Liverpool are going to struggle. In their current form and up against PSV Eindhoven, Marseille and Atletico Madrid, it could spell trouble.

Horror Hair: Anderson

August 27th, 2008

Should have got a Brazilian

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Who’s going where, and who’s not going anywhere… Baked-bean head Mikael Silvestre was reportedly undergoing a medical at Man City when he was informed that Arsene Wenger wished to sign him. ‘Silvestre immediately abandoned the medical and hurtled down the M1 to meet Gunners boss Wenger and discuss terms,’ The Sun claims. Hope he stuck […]

C-Ron voted “ultimate gay icon” An online survey of 3,000 gay men voted C-Ronaldo the ultimate gay icon. A spokeswoman for www.gaygolddiggers.uk.com said: “Ronaldo’s ripped body, slicked-back hair, shiny white teeth and jewellery swung the votes his way. He looks like any gay man or woman’s dream.” Yeah, he also looks like a frickin’ Guido. […]

Brazil v Argentina, the board-game Olympics That’s one tense game of Jenga… until Carlos throws his toys out of the pram.

Friday’s news and rumours Paul Ince struggling to make friends at Blackburn? [BBC] Martin O’Neill cup-ties Gareth Barry. Screw you, Rafa [The Sun] Wayne Rooney fit for Man Utd opener v Newcastle [Mail] Adrian Mutu ordered by Fifa to pay £13.8m in damages to Chelsea, for failed drug test. It’s the biggest fine ever given […]

The best caption wins a five-disc DVD box set… Poor C-Ron: sat in the stands during Sunday’s Community Shield, all alone and probably wishing he was in Madrid. Oh well, how much sympathy can you have for a man who earns more than £100,000 in a single week? Exactly. Anyway, we want you to come […]

Today’s late-summer snacks Man Utd close in on Dimitar Berbatov. He’ll be a United player in the next 48 hours [Sun] Man City boss Mark Hughes has dismissed reports he is set to quit Eastlands amid rumours that Thaksin is trying to sell players behind his back [BBC] Cesc Fabregas did his hamstring in training, […]

United desperately need another forward. But who? C-Ron is out for two months, Louis Saha is made of glass, Fraizer Campbell is too raw… the attacking back-up to Carlos Tevez and Wayne Rooney – neither of whom are orthodox strikers – looks thin indeed. From a fan’s eye view, we all know that Man Utd […]

Watch Pompey choke at Wembley… Dire penalties by Lassana Diarra and Glen Johnson. Seriously, would you trust Glen Johnson in a penalty shoot-out? Bonus vid Watch Tottenham’s 5-0 demolition of AS Roma below…

United toothless up front but still claim first silverware of season Man Yoo owned Pompey for most of the game, but their lack of finishing power meant the game went all the way to pens. At which time Pompey totally gift-wrapped the trophy and handed it to the Prem champions – ‘Arry’s team could only […]

Today’s top football stories, with added mayo West Ham United and Fredrik Ljungberg have parted company, with the Swede just one year into a four-year contract [Guardian] Referee Mark Clattenburg has been suspended pending enquiries into reports regarding his alleged debts [BBC] Iain Dowie’s long-term future as QPR manager remains in serious doubt following a […]