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Who ate all the pies

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Man Utd

Manchester United: All the latest Manchester United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

ronaldo%20pro%20evo.JPGCristiano Ronaldo is the face Pro Evo 2008 (due out next month), but we are more interested in his hair than his face. To be fair, that is exactly where your eyes will be drawn when you look at the picture on the game’s box. His perfectly sculpted quiff defies gravity. Whether he fancies David Beckham’s old Brylcreem contract we don’t know, but some serious quantities of hair gel have gone into extending his forehead to that length.

fergusonVs.jpgAh. Bless Sir Alex Ferguson. He’s ranting about referees again. He really doesn’t like ‘em does he? Maybe it was a ref’ who was chopping at his ankles the other day? Anyway, Sir Alex has expressed displeasure about the appointment of the German referee Herbert Fandel for the return of Cristiano Ronaldo and Nani to Sporting Lisbon tonight…

Here’s the first of our daily round-ups of some of the best posts on our excellent array of club sites dedicated to the big five (don’t laugh, but the big five does include Spurs), as well as Kickster, our new blog devoted to women’s football: Gunners rolling in cash (not unlike Demi Moore in Indecent […]

76470813.jpgFor the past few weeks we’ve been musing over Manchester United’s shortage of strikers, wondering if they would spend again and who would be the ideal signing.

Most football fans were more than happy to leap aboard the ‘Roy Keane is God’ bandwagon after he guided Sunderland from the depths of the Championship to the Premier League in one rocket-fuelled rise. But recent defeats to Wigan and Liverpool in the league, and then Luton in the Carling Cup, will test Keane’s resolve […]

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Former Manchester United renegade Gabriel Heinze is the subject of this week’s Photoshop assault in the Guardian Gallery. Real Madrid’s new £6.8 million signing gets a ribbing over his pre-season antics. Pies’ particular favourite is this effort featuring Heinze Argentine Mean Beanz – currently on special offer at £6.8 million.

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Ole Solskjaer is hanging up his deadly boots, Wayne Rooney is out injured (although he’s reportedly recovering faster than expected), Alan Smith and Guiseppe Rossi have moved on, Louis Saha’s body can’t be trusted, Carlos Tevez is settling in…

So there are six (count ‘em!) clubs in the group stages of this season’s Champions League: the big four in England, plus Celtic and Rangers. The English clubs can’t meet each other, because they are all amongst the top eight seeds, but there’s a very strong chance that we’ll see another so-called ‘Battle of Britain’, […]

Ole brings the ball under control during a Champions League match against Fenerbahce in 1996. Photo Clive Brunskill/Allsport

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.
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This video shows something that is a bit of a rarity at the moment: Kasper Schmeichel conceding a goal. But here he is Peter’s lad aged six conceding a sloppy goal in the Old Trafford tunnel. Steve Bruce’s son Alex, currently playing at Ipswich, is the man who beats him at his near post.

Free Gabriel Heinze t-shirt

August 21st, 2007

Gabriel Heinze’s attempts to move from Manchester United to Liverpool are expected to be settled by a Premier League arbitration panel later today. This should provide a speedy resolution to the situation, just ask Heinze’s new team-mate and compatriot Carlos Tevez!

76174518.jpgWith only two points to show from their first three games, it’s United’s worst start to the league for 15 years and Fergie has already admitted that the Champions face an uphill struggle to reclaim their title.

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With a combined cost of around £250m, even Roman’s roubles would be stretched to afford this team consisting of the most expensive players (in their position) in the Premier League.

2403664.jpgIs it just me, or does Cristiano Ronaldo have a new free kick routine?

Portsmouth 1-1 Manchester United
Cristiano Ronaldo grimaces after being shown a red card for violent conduct.
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1275780.jpgWatching the Football Years last night (on some freeview channel), I reveled in the season or 89/90. That year, Liverpool won the league, Man United won the FA Cup and most importantly, the biggest charlatan in football made his appearance…

Shamon motherf*cker! Remember when Michael Jackson was still black and had most of his own facial features?

This spoof of Wayne Rooney’s Put It Where You Want It campaign for his new Nike boots shows Reading centre-back Michael Duberry putting it exactly where he wants it – right on top of Wazza’s paper-thin boots. Crunch goes the metatarsal.

Following yesterday’s imaginatively titled Part One, today Pies profiles the home kits of the 10 Premiership teams who would have their names called at last on the school register.
Man%20City%20home%20kit.JPGManchester City
There is a hint of baseball to Citeh’s new shirt, with its rather fetching white pinstripes. Reebok are out and French brand Le Coq Sportif (currently enjoying a Lazarus-style revival) are in. Last season’s white sleeves are also ditched, and on reflection it is probably a good call. Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

manu-badge.jpgNow, to our glory hunting Manchester United fans (I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Back off!) to find out about their dreams of silverware and stuff. I interviewed the main lad at new Shiny blog, ManUnitedPies, and found that he was very busy, and therefore, a bit short on words… but you would be if you’d been gloating all summer at Chelsea fans…

Remember we warned you that the latest Nike Put It Where You Want It viral would feature Wayne Rooney smacking the ball at scantily clad Welsh daredevils Dirty Sanchez? Well here is the finished article. The group enjoy a few eye-watering games. Note the ominous to be continued caption at the end of the video.

In a long line of singing footballers (maybe we should do a Singing Footballers XI?) Carlos Tevez is the latest (to me at least) hitman to pick up the mic. He’s the front man in a band called Piola Vago, who play cumbia villera, a form of Argentinian shantytown/urban music. Piola Vago managed to hit the charts in Argentina with their song Lose Your Control which saw Carlitos crooning about whipping a girl and begging her for sex (c/o The Sun).

cmlotto.jpgHe may well be a born leader of men but that doesn’t mean Fergie wears the trousers at home. Apparently, the United manager has been grounded tonight and will miss United’s final pre-season friendlies while he helps his missus move house.