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Who ate all the pies

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Chelsea

Chelsea: All the latest Chelsea flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

A few pics from the charideee game… Clarence Seedorf and Michael Ballack captained the two teams for Goal4Africa’s charity match in India recently. Seedorf’s team was called ‘Edu’ (not after the ex-Arsenal midfielder), while Ballack’s team was called ‘Cation’. No, really. Put ’em together & what do you got? Education! (This is like Sesame Street). […]

In which Frank reveals he broke a treadmill because he was too fat fast Stalker alert, stalker alert. [Via The Spoiler & 101 Great Goals]

Today’s hottest news, rumours and lies have a three-chilli rating Aston Villa are very close (medical permitting) to signing Chelsea misfit Steve Sidwell (pictured) for £5m, as direct replacement for outgoing captain Gareth Barry. Who wants to point out to Martin O’Neill that Sidwell is nowhere near as good as Barry… [BBC] More after the […]

New Chelsea boss bamboozled by Lamps saga Big Phil: “Frank wants to stay. Very good, yes.” Lamps: “That’s news to me: unless Chelsea give me a five-year contract, I’m off to Inter.”

Another day, another batch of rumours 1. Darren Fletcher & Diego Milito to Everton Man Utd’s Scottish international and Real Zaragoza’s Argentine striker are high on David Moyes’ wanted list. Andy Johnson could be sold to fund the double deal. [Liverpool Daily Post] Pies verdict I doubt Fergie will sell Fletcher, but there’s a good […]

The name’s Frank… Fat Frank If you squint, and close one eye, then Lamps could just about double for buff 007. I know F-Wank is not fat, not at all, but compared with the ultra-trim Craig, he looks like he could lose an inch or two around the waist. Thanks to Pies reader Jack for […]

Inter open negotiations with Chelsea Internazionale have reportedly sent a fax (old school!) to Chelsea to kick-start their bid to sign F-wank Lampard. Here’s the thing: I find off-season transfer rumours just about the most tedious aspect of modern football. Today Lampard is going to Inter, tomorrow a source will reveal that he wants to […]

The things players get up to in their down time… (click on image below to view gallery)

Who’s on their way out of Stamford Bridge? 1. Shaun Wright Phillips SWP can’t hold down a first-team place at Chelsea, and that won’t change under Scolari, I predict – Wright-Phillips doesn’t feel like a Big Phil type of player. The Brazilian likes intelligent players with exemplary ball control; SWP doesn’t fit the bill. Where […]

Lardy Brazilian ex-genius still has some skills Fat-Ron, unwanted by Barcelona, showed he still has some magic left in his feet in a comeback friendly, against a Lionel Messi representative game. In his 56 minutes on the pitch, Ron scored twice, made two assists, and generally belied his chunky frame with a nimble performance. Black […]

Two of the Prem big four debut their new on-the-road wear Liverpool and Chelsea have both officially unveiled their new away kits for the coming Premier League season. Liverpool’s, as sported by Stevie-G, is silver and bound to divide opinion – it puts us in mind of the Candy kits of the 1980s. Retro, but […]

Finding the Lonely Hearts of Euro 2008 the perfect home in the Premier League

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Arsenal – Artur Boruc
Poland’s keeper was in top form during the competition and a move to a top four club could be enough to tempt him away from Celtic. The Gunners – with Jens Lehmann on his way out – could be interested.

Three of the best videos to give you a flavour of Chelsea’s newest star 1. Deco and C-Ron play football tennis Do I have to have this show pony on my team? More below…

Jose wants Lamps and the Drog. Surely JT is the man he covets most? When British newspapers made up rumours about new Inter boss Jose Mourino wanting to poach Chelsea players, the two they concentrated on were F-Wank Lampard and The Drog. No mention of John Terry, strangely. Could Mourinho tempt JT away from Chelsea? […]

Chelsea sign Deco. Looks like Lamps is off to Inter then Today is Big Phil’s first official day as Chelsea boss. His first signing was Deco, Portugal’s Brazilian playmaker. Deco has signed from Barca on a two-year deal, for a fee of around £8m. The arrival of one of Big Phil’s most trusted players – […]

He came so close on three occasions this season, but there’s no cigar for Germany’s captain Michael Ballack might have ended the 2007/08 season as a winner of the Premier League, Champions League and Euro 2008. He made it to final games in all three competitions, but in the end, he won absolutely nothing, nichts, […]

Just a few of the many rumours filling up today’s back pages 1. Samir Nasri to Arsenal The 21-year-old French playmaker is expected to join the Gunners at some stage in the next week, although his agent Jean-Pierre Bernes insisted last night the reports on the midfielder’s site of a done deal were “premature”. The […]

Mourinho wants Lamps for his new gang. No, Jose, no. Of all the players in the world that Inter could have at the top of their summer shopping list, they choose Frank Lampard. Does Frank have secret photos of Jose Mourinho doing unnatural things with John Terry? Inter’s president, Massimo Moratti, confirmed this week that […]

Portuguese trickster claims to have signed for a “big club” With Porto out of next season’s Champions League – Uefa suspended them in the wake of allegations of bribery in 2003/04 – it seemed inevitable that Ricardo Quaresma would look for a big-money move to England, Spain or Italy. It looks like his wish has […]

Chelsea look to Portugal’s Gene Hackman-alike As of 1 July, Felipe Scolari will take over as Chelsea’s head coach. That’s just two days after the Euro 2008 final, which could feature Portugal. A bit soon, no? Scolari has a fine track record, but how will his Sgt Major demeanour go down with Chelsea’s stars. We’ll […]

Basketball hero forced to like Chelsea Garnett is on course to help the Boston Celtics defeat the evil L.A. Lakers and win this season’s NBA finals. In between shooting hoops though, he found the time to pick up a personalised Chelsea shirt, free of charge. “Y’all made my day…this is huge” Kev, you’re such a […]

Do Jose’s job for him If you’ve just come back from a trip to the moon, you may not know that Jose Mourinho is Inter’s new manager. It’s good to see Jose back in football, although we’d have preferred it if he’d chosen to return to the Premier League – still, can’t wait for the […]

Monday’s best football stories 1. Karim Benzema to Man Utd Fergie is preparing a £30m mega bid for the very highly rated Lyon striker. God help the rest of the league if the United boss gets his man. [Manchester Evening News] 2. Jose Mourinho to Inter Milan This is more than mere rumour now, it […]

John Terry is “always on the England team”, apparently Legend. That is all. [Via our friends at The Spoiler] Watch the full interview after the click…